Stafford has Bone Mites and radioactive syphilis..

The true story may never come out in the free press. These are not "items of interest" that are fit to be consumed by the general public. A high brow ultra conservative establishment like the medical doctors of NFL organizations will not send out a world wide panic in regards to the pathologically contagious dilemma of "Bone Mites."

Right now, word on the street is that Matthew Stafford, The Franchize, could miss anywhere from two weeks to an entire geological epoch of time with what is being called a "Possible Second Degree Shoulder Separation."

In his Monday press conference, Jim Schwartz talked about his quarterback. "He's still dealing with a lot of soreness, he's still dealing with a lot of swelling -- very similar to what occurred to him last year. It's nothing that you can really put a timetable on. You can't say it's one week, two weeks, three weeks or 12 weeks, whatever it is.''

In other words, nobody really knows -- except me, of course. I know it's Bone Mites.

Bone Mites are a very, very dangerous and completely fictitious affliction which turns the bone marrow into a strange amalgamation of cottage cheese and strawberry jelly. Furthermore it turns the bones normal calcium to the consistency of rock candy.

Very contagious, especially in an NFL lockerroom where it usually is seen as a rash of very similar injuries. I was initially made aware of the possibility in the Lions organization after there seemed to be a rash of Groin Gremlins during training camp and OTA's.

Stafford may never be able to play again. He may never be able to lift his arm above the height of his elbow...he may also get leprosy--it's been known to happen.

The fact that both he and Aaron Berry contracted shoulder separations within a few minutes of each other is another sure fire indication of a major Bone Mite infiltration in the Lions lockerroom.

Don't even get me started on how, Mr. Stafford ended up with the radioactive syphilis. It's a strange world here in modern times.

I'm sorry, but I am in no way surprised...

I have very little interest in the New York Jets and their overly boisterous and egomaniacal coach, Rex Ryan. Nor do I have anything but contempt and disdain for the young Sanchize who continously tries to shoulder his way into the the talk of who was the best quarterback in last year's draft--which, if you saw last night's game, that should be pretty much all cleared up now.

What I do find interesting about the Jets though is Inez Sainz. The Mexican reporter from the Azteca network has made claims that the New York Jets made multiple lude comments and remarks to her from across the field as she covered several practices during practice last week. She states that the Jets even went so far as to move some of their drills in ways to ensure that players would be able to "bump" into her on the sidelines.

I tell you this, not because I am "outraged" that a bunch of millionaire, roid-raged athletes could be so Ape-like in their treatment of Ms. Sainz...but because I felt I had to show this picture.

Hey, I know what my readers want.

The "Process" is over now...

It doesn't matter in any way shape or form whether Megatron made the catch or not -- even though we all know he did. The plain and simple fact is, no matter how long we grumble and moan, the dorks over at the NFL offices are not giving us the win over Chicago. It is now time to start the long, ugly fear in figuring out how in the hell we are going to stop the dog killing bastard Micheal Vick this weekend.

Kevin Kolb, who played like complete horse crap last weekend before mercifully being bludgeoned into a concussion, will not practice until at least Friday, which means the ever mobile, ever dangerous, ever loathsome Vick will be taking snaps on Sunday at Ford Field.