Well, first there's going to have to be holy water and probably silver bullets...and salt --lots of salt.
When the foul and ageless demon walks out of the Mall of America Stadium tunnel, he will step onto a field with the Lions, a field that he has owned for more than almost twenty years. He owns a career record against the Leos of 27-9, 13-3 over the last ten years and 18-0 whenever he has faced them as a home team.
Any time that graybeard scumbag has stepped on his home turf against the honolulu blue they might as well turn off the scoreboard. Everyone knows the outcome.
But can that change this week?
Probably not.
But there are remote reasons for hope. Reasons that irrational fools like myself cling to like a drowning man clings to an ever buoyant anchor.
The Kong!
For twenty years we've played Devil who wears #4 with a usually suspect defense. For many of those years the Lions had an old warrior named Robert Porcher. It has been a considerable amount of time since the Lions have had what could be considered a real presence in the middle of the defensive line.
This season the Lions have made a herculean effort to build a really good defensive front (of course they forgot the defense is made up of 11 total players, not 4, but still...). Corey Williams and Kyle Vanden Bosch are legitimate players...some may even argue that Vanden Bosch is a potential star with his play this year.
But the centerpiece of the group is Suh, The Kong. He has never faced the evil one before and he's looking forward to this opportunity. The Kong is what gives a true Lion fan hope that the dark thing that is Farve will be slain and burnt this Sunday. That his foulness will once again be wiped clean from the world.
A new day will dawn in crisper and cleaner new NFL...the nightmare will be over.
The Devil himself...
OK, let's just assume for one moment that the Devil is actually human (humor me). The dude is almost 41 years old, all of his receivers are injured and he looks really, really old...not to mention mentally deficient. Did you see any of the picks he threw last week?
But of course, that wasn't against the Lions. No, that was against some REAL NFL team. The Lions secondary would have dropped all of those interceptions. The Lions secondary will make journeyman nobody wide out Greg Camarillo look like the second coming of Lance Alworth or Steve Largent or Raymond Barry.
But maybe, just maybe the demon continues to press and press and play like Rusty Hilger on speed.
Jahvid Best (this guy needs a nickname...)
If Best can play like he did last week, or even half as good as played last week, for the rest of the year, the Lions will have the offensive rookie of the year. If he can continue to work screens for positive gains and the offensive line can actually seal the edge on more than two runs, Best could have a very big day.
The Lions need to abandon running up the gut against the Williams Wall, a concept that hasn't escaped the dunderheads running the show in Allen Park in the past. If they can work the outside with Best and keep the pass rush honest with screens ...(Listen to me talking about the Lions as if they were a real team..."Bartender, another double please.")...they have a chance to keep up with all the points their secondary will give up.
Benching C.C. Brown and starting Randy Phillips
I can dream, can't I? That guy has looked horrible every time I've seen him play. Can't cover. Can't catch. Can't compete.
Dude is just plain bad.
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