Lions keep up with Thanksgiving Tradition

I am so tired of hearing about how the Lions "play like turkeys"...the Lions "got stuffed again"..they "lose their heads"...they just suck...

I know it's all true...but I tire of hearing it.

It's time to start talking about the draft again now. The Lions are 2-9 and any chance for respectability has, once again, exited stage left for the season.

And even though reporters and sportscasters keep trying to raise the spirit of Phil Simms in regards to Matt Stafford's constant injured status...I don't buy it. For every Phil Simms, an "injury prone" quarterback who rebounded to have a startling career, there are a thousand who haven't and there is nothing in Stafford's demeanor or history that leaves me with any reason to think he is the one in a million Phil Simms and not a Todd Marinovich or Ryan Leaf.

So what do the Lions need? What don't they need? Did you see the fourth quarter on Thanksgiving?

OK, other than Bill Parcells, what do they most need? Linebackers, corners, and offensive lineman.

Let me tell you what I like about this team...Ndamukong Suh, Calvin Johnson, Brandon Pettigrew, and Stefan Logan. Most everybody else, I'm up in the air about.

The Lions went through a lot of effort to build a decent defensive line, so let's see if that can't gel better over the next two years --although VandenBosch is already 34, he will need to be replaced soon...but probably not this year.

The defensive backs were a major league embarrassment last year. Going into this season, everyone was nervous about them, and rightly so, but Chris Houston and Alphonso Smith, Thanksgiving debacle notwithstanding, have proven to be pretty good. But, neither one is the shut down primary corner the Lions need. They are both very good #2's, but neither is a #1. That's what I think the Lions need...a true #1 shutdown corner--if there isn't a left tackle worthy of the #2 pick...

Yeah, that's right, if the draft ended today, the Lions would be right back in their familiar draft slot of #2. Everyone, please keep telling me about how much they've "improved." If you were able to do it with a straight face, you're either a comedian or certifiable.

One thing the Lions have emphatically proven so far this season, is that even if you have a good to great defensive line, if you don't have linebackers, teams will still be able to run on you. Levy missed the first four games and has looked good since coming back, but Peterson has had a rough year and I can't even remember the name of the guy playing opposite of him. Does that tell you anything?

Tomorrow, we can start talking about the offense...

Isn't it refreshing? Everything is back to normal...

All of that blown up nonsense about how this was a different team and that they were "heading in a different direction," it was all just a bunch of useless propaganda and lies. The Lions are no different today than they were three years ago. Oh, sure there are some new players and they supposedly have "bright" futures...but I don't buy it for a second. There are just different names on the backs of the same losing, talent deficient players.

The Lions may never be any good.

That's a hard line for me to write. I've lived and died and shed blood while rooting for this odd assortment of useless swamp gas over the last thirty years. I never really believed that I would say something like that...but there it is--in black and white and for the historical record.

This was the weekend I officially gave up. Was it because they lost to the Cowboys in a purely comical fashion? My wife thought I was choking or something as a strange maniacal laugh crept up my throat and I couldn't stop laughing for two minutes as I watched Cowboys return man Bryan McCann return a punt...that was supposed to be downed inside the three yard line...97 yards for a touchdown. It seems the absurdity of that play kicked me over a final ledge.

The fact that the Lions have horrid coaching, talentless players, inept management and a seemingly blind obsession with losing in more despicable and ludicrous ways every week notwithstanding...I've always managed to maintain my fanaticism for the team.

I now have a bright and shiny new dream.

This is Thanksgiving weekend--a hallowed time in the city of Detroit. This is typically "firing" weekend at Ford Field.

My dream is named "Bill Parcells."

Now, before all of you deluded souls out there start screaming nonsense about how "it's only been two years" and "you have to give them time" and "look what they had to start with", let me say this, look what they have now.

Matt Millen was lauded across the country for drafting Charles Rogers, Joey Harrington, Roy Williams and Kevin Jones. Martin Mayhew is being lauded for Calvin Johnson (even though Megatron is a Millen pick), Matt Stafford, Jahvid Best and Kevin Smith. Is there any difference between these two groups? Really? Because I'm pretty sure that neither group ever knocked on the door of .500.

Both sets have been losers so far.

Parcells has left the Miami Dolphins and may be able to be brought into the Lions organization. Broom out Mayhew and Schwartz for a PROVEN WINNER. Parcells rebuilt the Giants, the Jets, the Patriots, the Cowboys, and the Dolphins. He turned every one of those teams into a playoff team.

Let me say that again...FIVE TEAMS, FIVE PLAYOFF TEAMS....five for five is 100%...I'm not a math wiz, but I'm pretty sure that a guy with a 100% track record has a much higher percentage chance of being successful than the guy who was trained by the WORST GM IN THE HISTORY OF SPORTS!

Parcells has flirted with the Ford's and the Lions organization before...rumor has it that he wants to go one more round in the NFL...the ultimate challenge in sports would be rebuilding the lowly Lions.

But it will most likely not happen. It is too obvious for the Ford's to look at. Instead, after the Lions are beaten by 238 points this Thursday in another horrible, horrible showing on Thanksgiving day...they'll spout some more nonsense about "patience" and "rebuilding" and all will stay the same...

Nothing will change, everything will stay the same...the Lions are losers.

Picks are looking pathetic.

I went a very poor 7-7 last week. Bringing my totals to 83-71.

Dolphins over Bears
Packers over Vikings
Titans over Skins
Chiefs over Cards
Ravens over Panthers
Bengals over Bills
Cowboys over Lions
Jets over Texans
Steelers over Raiders
Jags over Browns
Saints over Seahawks
Falcons over Rams
Niners over Bucs
Pats over Colts
Eagles over Giants
Chargers over Broncos

A little catch up

OK, due to the Lions having harpooned any real hope I've had for them getting better in my lifetime or the subsequent lifetimes of my children and grandchildren, I have been lax this week in regards to the Lions. This combined with the putting the finishing touches on a movie filmed last year and actually having to put in some real "work" at the paying gig...

I'm back today and apparently I haven't missed much. I believe I read somewhere that Matt Stafford had his right arm chewed off at the shoulder in a very freak hottubbing accident in Redford...of course I haven't been able to confirm this.

Let me cover the weekly running items that the Lions malaise sucked me of the energy to write on Monday.

3rd and 3 or less

The Lions couldn't run against the worst rush defense in the NFL...I think they should really start considering punting on second down. They've reached a dingy and faded new level of pathetic.

For the second week in a row, despite trying to "establish the run" the Lions abandoned the run on all 3rd and 3 or less situations. Going 2 of 5 passing. This brings their season totals to 9 of 14 (65%) rushing and 11 of 26 passing (42%). Keep up the good work guys...that's smart coaching...

Blocked punts?

Nope, didn't even come close.

Fade Stop?

Not a one.

Wouldn't it be great if the Lions had cheerleaders?

Yeah, it sure would...but the Lions and the Detroit metro area went another week without a single mention of the Detroit Pride.

Tales of the Inept

The Carolina Panthers (1-8) took another unholy beating from the Tampa Bay Buccaneers.

The Buffalo Bills (1-8) collected their first win of the season against the lowly and pathetic losers, the Lions.

It will not be long until the Lions are back on this list.

The only thing the Lions are good at is breeding apathy

We've been duped.

1. In the last three years, if the Lions are not providing the only win for the worst team in the league, they are proving that they can do being bad even better, by going winless.

2. The Bills are a bad team...awful. The Lions let them control the entire game. The Lions couldn't run against the team with the worst rushing defense in the NFL. What does that mean? I think it means that the Lions have to petition to play in Division 2A in order to have any hope of being able to run the ball.

3. The offensive line was supposed to be decent, instead they are decrepit.

4. Jahvid Best is not breaking any tackles...he has apparently decided to try and take Kevin Smith's place as "promising, but disappointing."

5. Megatron is supposed to be an all pro NFL receiver and yet he drops two passes in a row on what is supposed to be the game winning drive?

6. This was at least the third game in a row with 10+ penalties against the Lions. If that doesn't scream coaching problem, I don't know what does.

7. Uggg...I just don't care...the Lions....maybe tomorrow....

Items of note for Sunday and beyond

Shaun Hill did very admirably in his first stint as emergency Lions starting quarterback. Here is hoping he can do the same again on Sunday.

The Lions are not favored against an 0-8 Bills team...people all over the country are talking about how improved the Lions are...but obviously they don't really believe it. The Bills are giving 3 points to the Lions....ouch.

You've got to watch Johnson in this game--no, not Calvin or even Bryant...Steve Johnson. He's the leading receiver for the Bills. His numbers for this season, 41 catches, 554 yards, 6 TDs.

Kevin Smith, Jahvid Best and the offensive line should--I repeat, should--have a field day against the 32nd ranked run defense.

Ryan Fitzpatrick is starting at QB for the Bills now....he's a former Harvard grad. That's pretty much his only claim to fame in the NFL. On the field, he hasn't looked great.

The Lions currently can continue the Bills wretched season or help them stop it. As the only winless team in NFL history, let's hope the Lions continue the Bills' winless season attempt.

Why the Lions will run down the Bills...

The Return of the Kansas Kid

Here's hoping that Shaun Hill and his broken non-throwing forearm are healthy enough to take direct snaps this weekend. Of course there is always the million to one shot that he'll take every snap from the shotgun and the Lions will usher in a bright new day in NFL football with a sparkling new concept for NFL offenses...the return of the K-Gun or something....

Who am I kidding? Poor guy will probably have his withered arm ripped off and thrown into the stands some time in the second quarter.

Jahvid Best

The kid is due. Best scored five touchdowns in his first two games and has been held out of the endzone ever since. The Bills are currently ranked dead last in rushing defense. Something has got to give.

Calvin Johnson/Nate Burleson

Johnson's game against Revis last week showed the world something...Burleson can pick up the slack. The Buffalo Bills are currently ranked sixth against the pass, which would be good, if you didn't realize that teams aren't passing against them, because they're running out the clock in most cases. They don't pass, because they don't have to.

Either way, the Bills do not have good enough corners to contain both the Lions receivers.

Why the Bills will stampede the Lions...

Before I go into why the Bills will end their winless season against the Lions this weekend...much like the Rams ended their winless season last year against the Lions, let me say a few things about the future of the Detroit Lions.

It is not looking nearly as bright as it did a few scarce days ago.

From this point forward every fan and member of the Lions organization has have a nugget of terrifying fear that Stafford will go down again with the next hit for a long time...instantly ruining another season.

What do Colt McCoy, Chad Henne, Tavaris Jackson, Matt Schaub, Drew Brees, Charlie Batch, Brian Griese, Jake Plummer, Brett Favre, Randall Cunningham, Frank Reich and Joe Montana all have in common? They were all drafted in the second or third round.

And this is exactly what the Lions will begrudgingly have to do. Use a very vital draft pick to ensure that they have an able backup from now on. Sure Shaun Hill is signed for another year and the Kansas Kid has proven respectable, no doubt. But the fragility of Stafford means that you hope he'll stay injury free, but you're counting on Shaun Hill as your starter...and you cannot count on Drew Stanton to be your backup.

Drew Stanton

This is the main reason the Bills are salivating as they wait for the Lions to come into town. For all intents and purposes Drew Stanton is more a slow running back than a viable NFL quarterback. He has been in training for four years and he has yet to do more than generate a few fourth quarter preseason comebacks. A fourth quarter preseason come back is about as useful as racking up great intramural flag football stats.

They do not equate to the NFL.

@ Buffalo

Does that say enough? The Lions are still in the midst of a 24 game road losing streak. The Lions could be playing St. Peter's Blind Nunnery and if it were at the convent, I'd still be pretty worried.

The Bills

The Bills, though 0-8, have been playing very good football the last three weeks, but they seem to suffer a Lions complex...in other words they do their best to blow it in the end.

We'll see which team wants to win this one less.

Banner week for picks

In a mammoth comeback, I managed a 10-3 mark last week. This brings me up to a 76-54 record for the season. Again, looking a bit better than sucky...

Ravens over Falcons
Jags over Texans
Bears over Vikings
Bucs over Panthers
Bills over Lions
Jets over Browns
Titans over Dolphins
Colts over Bengals
Chiefs over Broncos
Giants over Cowboys
Cards over Seahawks
Rams over 49'ers
Steelers over Pats
Eagles over Redskins

A Eulogy for Matthew Stafford...

Let me first say this...injuries are going to happen in the NFL. The idea of having 200-350+ lb men running into each other at high speed a 100 or so times a game leads to inevitable contusions, broken bones, concussions, sprains and a boat load of other injuries.

Injuries are unavoidable, really. Who gets them and when is more luck than anything else. Or bad luck depending on if you're the injured or not.

Injuries are a big part of the game...but they are not a prominent feature in successful careers. Overcoming injuries and avoiding injuries all together are the hall mark of long lasting hall of fame careers.

Stafford has incurred four major injuries in the span of a mere 13 games. He, as of now, is officially "injury prone." This is probably the single worst label that can be pinned on an NFL player. He is not officially done this season, yet. That should happen later on today. Which means that in his two full seasons in the league, he will have played in just over a third of his possible games.

The saddest part for the Lions is that when Stafford has played, he's looked very good. He is a star quality NFL Franchise quarterback. He is the kind of player you build a team around.

But you cannot build around a player that is going to spend two thirds of his time on the bench.

Yes, the Lions can get Stafford surgery to repair his separated throwing shoulder and hope that he comes back strong and with no ill effects--it worked for Sam Bradford--but they cannot count on that happening. Furthermore, they cannot go another game, even another play, with Stafford on the field and not worry every time he takes a hit of any kind.

The tackle he was hurt on on Sunday was a normal football play, a pretty mild one at that.

You cannot have four "freak" injuries in the span of 13 games. After two, they cease to be "freak" and begin to be "alarming."

The Lions must begin making plans for the future that are not completely centered around the former franchise quarterback. Oh, sure they can hope he comes back healthy and dominating and everything they hoped he'd be...but they can no longer justifiably count on it.

Shaun Hill, the Kansas Kid, has proven to be a very reliable backup and the Lions will most likely rush him back onto the field, broken arm and all, with hopes of getting three or four more wins this season.

Drew Stanton has proven that he is not a viable backup in the NFL. Surely he will get chances to prove me wrong this season, but next April the Lions should--need to-- be looking for the second or third round quarterback that slips through the cracks. There seems to be one every year. Colt McCoy was last year and he's putting up good numbers and even winning with the Browns.

You can say that Stanton was one of those quarterbacks, but he was a Millen pick, and if you really believe that, I feel sorry for you.

Sure the hope is that Stafford comes back with a new shoulder and hasn't been destroyed by recurring injuries (Charles Rogers, anybody?). But plans have to be made to cope with the real chance that he doesn't. The Lions have managed to assemble too much talent to let it be wasted by the likes of a Drew Stanton or other third string nobody.