Back to Lambeau, House of Horrors...

To say that the Detroit Lions have had issues playing in the "Frozen Tundra" of Green Bay is more than a little understatement. The Lions haven't won there in 19 years. Now granted, most of that was while the Devil roamed the dairy fields, but even with him gone, the place doesn't feel any better.

You don't go into Micheal Myers house just because they've supposedly caught him. That's just insanity.

Now Aaron Rodgers has taken over the Devil role in this horrible Packers-Lions eternal feud and even though he reminds me more of Snively Whiplash than the Devil who wears #4, he is still a vile and evil thing. He'd just assume tie up your lovely bride to a railroad track as rack up 400+ yards on the Lions insignificant secondary.

Aaron Rodgers is not to be trifled with. The fact that there was some sort of unexplainable lunar eclipse last night that caused the Bears to sneak away with a win over what is supposed to be a Super Bowl contending team means nothing. The Lions actually beat the Bears just three weeks ago. Don't even talk about the damn catch! They won and you know it.

Does this give the Lions hope of breaking the second worst streak in Lions history? No. this is the Lions we're talking about.

No, the Bears, coached by Martz and Marinelli, pulled some weird magic trick on the Packers, it's the only explanation I can think of.

The Lions have no magic. They have as much hope of winning in Lambeau as third world orphans have of getting adopted by Angelina Jolie. Oh, sure there's a chance, but she can't really adopt all of them, can she?

No, Jay Cutler is steadily improving in Martz's system and looked pretty decent against the Packers defense. Shaun Hill has no real hope of doing any where remotely as well.

And while Cutler was struggling to learn Martz's system when he was playing Detroit, Mr. Whiplash is a maestro in his offense.

The Lions are doomed in an epic fashion. I fear they'll lose by more than 30.

Megatron still missing.

Scott Linehan is still doing a pitiful job of getting the ball to Calvin Johnson. He tried a bubble screen and a reverse to him against the Vikings, but only once each. The Lions need to continue to lure the opposing defensive backs up so that Johnson can blow by them and get deep.

Why are we playing Tweedle Dee, Tweedle Dumb, and Tweedle C.C. Brown still?

Johnathon Wade, Chris Houston and C.C. Brown are playing bad on a historically bad level. I have never understood why the Lions for almost twenty years cannot play bump and run coverage. Why does every cornerback that wears a Lion on the side of his helmet have to play ten yards off of the opposing receiver--especially on third and four or five?

Can Nathan Vasher, Alphonso Smith, Amari Spievey or Randy Phillips really play any worse than these three stooges?

What to watch for on Saturday night

The Leos open their preseason schedule Saturday night at Heinz Field in Pittsburgh, home of the NFL's favorite date rapist.

So what do we, as fans, have to look forward to? What should we be on the edge of our proverbial seats ready to get excited about?

Well, I'm already on record as saying that for the most part the preseason is a completely useless tool for gauging the season, but there are some players I'm very anxious to see play. Although many of them will not play for very long.

For instance, it'll be nice to see Matt Stafford throw a ball for the first time since last November. I'll especially like to see how this whole two tight end base set formation looks and is used. However, I am not at all interested in seeing Calvin Johnson play more than a few snaps--we know what we've got there.

I can't wait to see Jahvid Best bust a few runs and short passes for long gains or touchdowns...that'd be very encouraging.

On defense, I am very anxious to see if The Kong can play anywhere near as good as advertised. If he does, I fully expect him to pull out one of the goal posts and beat to death anybody waving a terrible towel.

In fact, I'm pretty sure that 80% of what I'm interested in with this team Saturday is on the defensive side of the ball. I want to see the whole newly designed D-line play a few series and see how they do against the Steelers and their powerful run game.

I can't wait to see Zach Follet and see if he can actually play. How is Chris Houston going to do against Hines Ward? Dre Bly? Will Amari Spievey see the field? Is Jonathon Wade any good at all?

How is Caleb Campbell, the 7th round pick out of Army drafted two years ago on a whim by Rod Marinelli, going to do after two years away?

One of the players I am most interested in seeing, because every player that has lined up next to Delmas at safety has been worse than atrocious, is undrafted free agent Randy Phillips out of the University of Miami. Two years ago many thought he would be a first round draft pick, but after two years of injuries, this may be his best shot at making a team in the NFL. Damn, I hope he's good.

One thing I am not hopeful of seeing is cheerleaders. The Steelers are one of the six teams that are "too classy" to have professional dance teams. I guess that's ok for them, it gives Ben Roethlisberger fewer opportunities...