Why the Vikings will pillage the Lions...

Before I get to another diatribe on the Devil who wears #4, the unholy fruit of the blasphemous union of Beelzebub and Wrangler Jeans, let me first say some things about C. C. Brown.

I thought his name was Can't Cover Brown, but Sunday showed it's actually Can't Catch Brown. Whatever his name really stands for, he is a huge liability. He takes horrible angles, rarely covers anybody well and tackles for crap on most plays. He is a typical "big hit over solid tackle" guy and the worst part is when he's trying to lower the boom on a receiver, he's just as apt to miss or hit his teammate as he is to hit an opponent.

Brown should be taken out behind the huge practice facility and beaten senseless by six guys with pillowcases full of bars of soap.

The Lions secondary is awful in general, but C. C. is abysmal and needs to be sacrificed to the football gods for his inept play. Let Randy Phillips play, he's a rookie, at least he has a built in excuse.

The Devil Rises Again...

It doesn't matter that Sidney Rice and Percy Harvin are out and highly doubtful respectively. The Devil doesn't need receivers when he plays the Lions. It doesn't matter anyway, because the Lions don't have anybody that could cover them anyway...

When playing the Lions, a team he owns like a pimp owns prostitutes, Farve could throw the ball to shadows and still manage completions. I half expect the actual numbers painted on the grass to peel themselves off the turf and catch his passes and then struggle for at least an extra ten yards on every completion.

The Lions only hope against this abomination is The Kong. Or maybe Kyle VandenBosch. The demon must be slain. His ridiculous string of games played must be broken and desecrated. The defensive line must bury him and burn his foul bones.

Adrian Petersen.

In actuality, the Lions have always done a very respectable job of stopping Petersen, but with the missing wide outs issue currently happening in Viking land, the Vikings will be forced to lean even more heavily than normal on "All Day."

Petersen is a danger to score on any play and with the amount of rushes he is destined to get on Sunday, it'll only take two or three mental or physical breakdowns by the defensive line to provide a significant margin of victory for the purple ones.

The Williams Wall.

Sure Jahvid Best managed 78 yards on the ground last week, but more than half of that came on two runs. The Lions have not shown a consistent ability to make yardage on the ground and facing arguably the best defensive tackle pair in the game won't make it any easier.

The Kansas Kid.

Shaun Hill showed how poor his accuracy can be this last weekend. Until Stafford gets back, the quarterback play is a crapshoot.

Week 11: The Devil beats down the Lions again

Brett Favre was back, again. He's beaten the Lions 27 times in his career--going on a million. The Lions are like the Washington Generals to his Harlem Globetrotters.

The Lions lost 27-10 to the 8-1, playoff bound, Vikings. There are a ton of questions after this game.

1. Why, when all week the stories were about how Kevin Smith doesn't have top end speed and can't break the long run, do the Lions sit Aaron Brown, the fastest RB, if not player, on the team? Where, as many people believe that the Lions shouldn't sign a Larry Johnson, because the team needs to see if Kevin Smith can be the guy, I think the Lions need to sit Kevin Smith in order to see if Aaron Brown can be the guy. He's a guy with 4.2 speed in the mold of a Brian Westbrook. The only question is if he can take the beating of an every down back.

2. Who on their team did the Lions think was better than Cliff Avril? Schwartz sat one of the team sack leaders to play exactly who?

3. Why do the Lions continue to punt in opposing territory when they're losing? I've said this a hundred times, the Lions are so bad, they have to play with the throttle down until at least 25 minutes after the final whistle. 4th and 1 on the Minnesota 48 down 17-10 with 4:54 left in the third. Punt. Way to challenge your team to win the game, Schwartz. How much of a boost would it have given the Lions if they'd handed off to Kevin Smith and picked up that yard? Perhaps they could have finished the drive, tying the game up 17-17 going into the fourth? Even if they didn't get it, they'd have only given up 25 yards of field position, which the Vikings got back anyway, getting to the 38 yard line before having to punt...which put Detroit back at it's own 19 yard line to start the next drive. Quit wimping out! Go for it on 4th down in opposing territory, what do you have to lose? You're 1-8 because you don't do anything like that!

4. Why do the Lions come out of half time every week looking for a way to blow the game? This week, they fumbled the opening kickoff of the second half. Instead of only being down 10-3, with the ball and ready to prove something...instead, they're down 17-3 less than a minute into the third. Typical Lions.

5. How bad was Delmas' toothache that he couldn't play the game? He dressed for it. He ran up and down the sidelines cheering...hasn't anybody in the Lions training staff ever heard of Novocaine?

6. Who's going to play in the secondary against Cleveland? I counted four injuries to players in the Lions secondary. Hopefully, Delmas will have his root canal before the game and be able to play this week.

7. Where did this Philip Buchanon come from? The guy made plays all day, whereas the rest of the season, he could have been replaced with a cardboard stand-up and nobody would have ever known the difference.

8. Who was supposed to be covering Sydney Rice? And how did he manage to catch for 201 yards and not score?

9. Will this be the last time the Lions have to play the Devil who wears #4? One can only hope, but if he manages to win the Super Bowl this year with the Vikes, he'll probably be around for another 5 years.

10. So what are the Vikes DL going to be called now? The Fox broadcast team put out a call for nick names for the Vikings front line, reminiscent of the "Purple People Eaters." An overly blatant show of partiality to say the least. But my favorite one I saw, "The Four Norseman."

I wish the Lions had cheerleaders.

I put up this picture, not because I'm a pedophile, but it is interesting that Packers are quietly delving into the possibility of cheerleaders. Currently only six of the NFL's 32 franchises have chosen to go without the all important cheer brigades--Cleveland, Pittsburgh, Green Bay, Detroit, Chicago, and the New York Giants. And now the Packers may be dabbling. The Lions used to do this with high school cheerleaders, I don't recall seeing them doing it for a long time.

Personally, I think it's a pretty cheapskate way of trying to appease your fans, without appeasing them at the same time.

3rd and 3 or less

As much of a reason as any that the Leo's tanked another game, the team only managed a single 3rd and 3 or less. Another empty victory, they managed to convert on a short pass to Calvin Johnson.

Year totals, the Leo's are 8 of 10 rushing, and 6 of 13 passing. That's an 80% success rate rushing, versus only 46% passing.

The competition for #1

Now that there is no chance for any team to take away the title as "worst franchise in NFL history" by adding their name to the list of "only team in NFL history to go winless," and now that the Lions, once again, hold the longest losing streak in the league, the race is on to see who will be anchored with the 2010 NFL #1 pick in the draft. And Detroit is, once again, in the thick of the race.

The other competitors in this race?

The Tampa Bay Buccanneers (1-8) managed to eek out another loss against the Miami Dolphins, 25-23. Let me take a second out here to say one thing, the Dolphins get the Wildcat and awesomely hot cheerleaders too? How is that fair?

The St. Louis Rams (1-8) gave the undefeated Saints all that they could handle before losing, 28-23. The Rams have played very well since having ESPN Page 2 suggest that they are the "New Lions."

The Cleveland Browns (1-7) play the Baltimore Ravens tonight, another very likely loss, but the Browns really have something going for them in their attempts to avoid the anchor contract of the #1 pick--they play the Lions next week.

Next week: Can we make either one of the Brown's disastrous QB's look like a Hall of Fame'r? I'm sure they'll try.