Week 13:Turkey Day tradition continues--Lions lose

The Lions, riding a national wave of euphoria over last weeks epic come from behind victory, crashed into the shore of reality like a 10 ton brick on Thanksgiving day. Stafford, who probably shouldn't even have been playing with a separated non-throwing shoulder managed to throw four interceptions and Kevin Smith showed that even the white lines on the field could tackle him.

This was a horrible display for a national audience which is already begging the NFL to "please God, take that game away from them!" I can't say I blame them. Admit it, watching the Lions is bad for your digestion. I say that, not because I wan the Lions to lose the game, but instead, because I have no fear of them losing the tradition. Why? Because I'm still seeing at least six dozen Ford commercials every game--the NFL isn't stupid enough to insult one of it's biggest sponsors.

In other news...

1. I think Matt Stafford, Franchise Savior, just threw another interception. I'm not giving him a pass because he was playing injured...but he really shouldn't have been out there at all. This wasn't one of his typical weeks either. Usually a Lions QB can blame most of his picks on his receivers, because the passes usually bounce harmlessly off their hands and into the air, but this game wasn't that way. These picks weren't because of a ton of QB pressure, or bad WR routes...he just made bad throws. He's a rookie, we were supposed to expect these days this year.

2. I really wanted to like Kevin Smith. I wanted him to be this "James Stewart" clone who was good for 4 yards a carry...not a game breaker...but at least 4 yards a carry. For a while, it appeared that that's what Smith would be...but it turns out that is not what he is. Stewart was a war horse that could break tackles and carry defenders...Smith is tripping over the white lines. He might be a good backup, but he can't break tackles and he doesn't have the game changing break away speed that is needed by a change of pace back.

3. Aaron Brown has that speed. Brown needs to start getting 10-15 touches per game. The most common argument against Brown is that he's "too small." Brown is currently listed as 6-1, 205 lbs. Kevin Smith is listed as 6-1, 217. Chris Johnson, the Tennessee Titans RB who currently leads the NFL in rushing is listed as 5-11, 200. I think Brown is right inside the size wheelhouse for RB's. Brown needs more touches...he probably needs to get a shot as the #1 back before the season is over.

4. I have a feeling that Daunte will start this weekend against Arizona. Last week, the Lions were riding a wave of momentum into a nationally televised game...a huge chance to sell Stafford jersey's nationwide. This week, we're just another 2-9 team. The kid needs to let his shoulder heal.

5. Culpepper was somewhat justified in his outburst before the game. Stafford didn't appear ready to play, having missed the entire week of practice. Culpepper had taken all of the practice reps all week and was overly anxious to show the rest of the world that he could still play.

6. Don't expect to see Daunte on the Detroit sidelines again next season.

7. Stafford threw the ball away on a 4th and 1 from the Green Bay 1...and it worked out to be the right decision. I don't think I'll ever see that again. Green Bay gave up the safety two plays later...and it should have been a touchdown. That was weird.

8. The offensive line opened up some running lanes for Smith, he just tripped going through them.

9. The Lions may end up with the 4th pick in the draft and may still miss out on the two best defensive players in the draft, Ndamukong Suh, DT Nebraska and Gerald McCoy, DT, Oklahoma.

10. The fourth pick in the draft might just be low enough that somebody might want to trade up for it. Hopefully. QB's Sam Bradford, Jake Looker, and Tim Tebow might entice some teams to come calling.

Cheerleaders?

Thanksgiving day allowed Lions fans, once again, to view other teams cheerleaders like the Denver Broncos Cheerleaders and the always famous Dallas Cowboy Cheerleaders.

Lions fans...got to watch Daunte Culpepper sulk on the sidelines. It might just be another reason they want to take the game away from us.

3rd and 3 or less

The Lions faced 3rd and 3 or less, converting 4 of 7. They were 2 for 2 rushing and 2 for 5 passing. Year totals; rushing 10 of 13, passing 9 of 19. As bad as the Lions have been, they continue to prove out it is always better to run on 3rd and 3 or less. 77% success rate rushing vs 47% passing. It speaks for itself.

Tales of the inept

The Cleveland Browns (1-10), which the Lions just barely beat, were dissected by the Cincinnati Bengals (16-7) who were without their #1 RB Cedric Benson. At least they managed to score a touchdown.

The St. Louis Rams (1-10) lost to the Seattle Seahawks 27-17 in a game that wasn't nearly as close as the score indicates.

The Tampa Bay Buccaneers (1-10) behind another rookie QB, Josh Freeman, Morgan's kid, I think, lost 20-17 to Atlanta in a game that proved to be a lot more entertaining than it should have been.

Tennessee Titans note: Since being listed in this spot, back when they w e re 0-6, the Titans haven't lost a game. They changed QB's from the octogenarian Kerry Collins to spread offense aficionado Vince Young and have gone a 5 game winning streak. The Titans have become a Cinderella story worth watching...next week they run head on into the undefeated Indianapolis Colts. Bring'em on!

If the draft were held today...

1	Cleveland	1-9	0.531
2	St. Louis	1-9	0.544
3	Tampa Bay	1-9	0.55
4	Detroit	2-8	0.531
5	Seattle	3-7	0.488
6	Washington	3-7	0.5
7	Buffalo	3-7	0.506
8	Oakland	3-7	0.513
9	Kansas City	3-7	0.513
10	Denver (from Chicago)	4-6	0.494

Week 12: Stafford injured, then walks on water, Lions win

I want to preface this article with a very deeply felt footnote...I am happy the Lions won.

Thanks to the NFL's stupid blackout rule, I was only able to hear the game live, (I have since watched it on NFL replay, which should be available until midnight Wednesday) but I was riveted to the radio for what turned out to be a finish that only a hokie Hollywood writer could come up with.

A pass interference called on Cleveland in the endzone on the last play of the game? Stafford drilled under a 320 pound DL smashing his shoulder--that hit couldn't have been more destructive if it included a Micheal Bay explosion. Then the Cleveland Browns call an inexplicable timeout...then William Clay Ford calls down from his luxury suite to Stafford, who's being restrained by the medical staff who are trying desperately to find out how much bone is left in the Franchise Savior's disintegrated left shoulder. Ford tells Stafford, "just sit it out kid. I hate to win. If you go back into the game...I'm sending you back to prison! Bwa-ha-ha-ha!" But Stafford hears the PA announce the Browns timeout and knows he can go back in.

Stafford hands the phone to one of the doctors and asks Jason Hanson, who's been here since before the Ford's made cars, "You've been here a long time, how bad is it here? In prison?"

"Not too bad...you get used to it."

Stafford breaks free of the medical staff and rushes back onto the field. His left arm hanging loosely out of his broken shoulder pads. He takes the snap with one hand, drops back...and hits Brandon Pettigrew for the winning touchdown with all 0's on the clock! The crowd goes wild!

The Ford's seethe in their luxury box....credits roll..."We are the Champions" plays...

OK, maybe it didn't happen exactly like that...but it was close.

Here are 10 things that I know really happened..."We'll keep on fighting till the end...."

1. The Detroit Lions gave up 37 points to a team that hadn't been able to get a touchdown from a running back or wide receiver for over a year....Brown's wide receivers caught four on Sunday.

2. The Lions continue to turn every opposing quarterback into a Hall of Famer. Brady Quinn was 21 of 33 for 304 yards and 4 four TD's with no interceptions. That's a QB rating of 133.1.
To put this into perspective, Brady Quinn's QB rating now--including his day against the Lions--is only 70.4. That puts him at 27th of the 33 players who have thrown enough passes to become eligible for the stat. Another ugly note, Stafford is 28th with a 66.9.

3. Mangini is a complete moron. The Lions should have never had a chance to even try the hail Mary pass interference play. Mangini called three passes on his last drive, one led the WR out of bounds stopping the clock and another fell incomplete, stopping the clock and giving the Leo's the ball back with 1:48 to go. Throw two runs in there, the Lions get the ball back after the punt with 20 seconds. Furthermore, not only did he pass the ball on that 3rd down, he did it from an empty backfield so there wasn't even a chance of a play fake.

4. Mangini has now come out and said the Lions were faking injuries in order to stop the Brown's no huddle. He obviously hasn't seen a lot of film of our Leo's. There isn't a play that goes by where at least one player isn't taken out.

5. Another thing about Mangini, he's arguing the pass interference penalty on the last play. Why? Because he apparently doesn't know the rules. Strange for an NFL head coach to not have a handle on the rules of the game, but it appears so. Both Mangini and Hank Poteat, who was called for the PI, have been quoted as saying that once the QB leaves the pocket the DB can do whatever they want to the WR. As if, once the QB scrambles, the field becomes Thunderdome or something. Which is blatantly false, once the ball is in the air the DB has to keep his hands off the WR--not see if he can drive him out of bounds, which is exactly what Poteat did. What's disturbing about this is, not that the flag was thrown--because usually when the Lions are involved, it's a missed call--but that the quotes from Mangini and Poteat are in complete lock step. In other words the coach has been teaching his players the wrong rules from the start...maybe the Browns do have it worse than we do.

6. Once again, the Leo's got the ball with about 2 minutes left, needing a touchdown to win--not a FG. If Lions fans know anything, we know that that is not a sound recipe for victory. On Sunday it worked. Now, the Lions are officially like 1 for 45 in this situation.

7. Matthew Stafford is the Franchise Savior. What he did on Sunday took gut and grit and all those other "toughness" words. He is undoubtedly the unquestioned leader of this team now and when the Lions come from the Harrington era (a QB that was actually quoted as saying "Why does the QB have to be the leader of the team?") that is incredibly refreshing.

8. I was wrong about last year's draft. There is no way that a LB like Aaron Curry could have this much of an effect on the Lions roster.

9. Martin Mayhew has to have at least two or three more drafts like this year's to give the Lions any chance of being relevant again in the NFL. Five players from this year's draft played huge roles in this victory. Obviously Stafford, but also Pettigrew and his winning touchdown, Aaron Brown and his touchdown, Zach Follet was great on special teams, and DeAndre Levy was everywhere playing LB for the injured Ernie Sims.

10. If Stafford and Calving Johnson don't play on Thanksgiving...there is no hope.

Why the Lions might have hope against Green Bay on Thanksgiving

1. Al Harris, half of a probowl tandem of CB's is out for the season.
2. Aaron Kampman, another probowl LB and sack master was also lost for the season on Sunday.

Why don't the Lions have cheerleaders?

Just a little something to help my readers as we continue to suffer under the tyranny of the Ford's and their incomprehensible aversion to professional dance teams.

Currently only six of the NFL's 32 franchises have chosen to go without the all important cheer brigades--Cleveland, Pittsburgh, Green Bay, Detroit, Chicago, and the New York Giants.

The Packers haven't had official cheerleaders since 1988, however cheerleaders from the University of Wisconsin-Green Bay and St. Norbert College appear at home games throughout the season.

3rd and 3 or less

The Lions only faced 3rd and 3 or less twice on Sunday and, contrary to my theory, they were successful passing once and failed once on a rush. Looking at the season long stats, this is an anomaly. So far this year, 8 of 11 rushing, and 7 of 14 passing. That's an 72% success rate rushing, versus only 50% passing.

More tales of the inept

The Cleveland Browns (1-9) lost to our home town boys, mostly because they don't know the rules of football.

The Tampa Bay Buccaneers (1-9) were pounded into jelly by the #1 offense in football, losing to the New Orleans Saints, 38-7. If I were Rahim Morris, the Bucs' rookie coach, I might be getting a little nervous.

The St. Louis Rams (1-9) gave the NFC reigning champ, the Arizona Cardinals everything they could handle, before finally losing 21-13.

A little extra bit, since I listed the Tennessee Titans in this spot, when they were 0-6, the Titans have switch QB's bringing back an allegedly once suicidal Vince Young to lead the franchise and run off four straight victories. At 4-6, they are still mathematically in the playoff hunt and a still a very exciting team to watch. Plus, they have hot cheerleaders.

Happy Thanksgiving everybody.

Top 10 Picks, if the draft were held today

#	Team	W-L	Opp WL%
1	St. Louis	1-8	0.542
2	Cleveland	1-8	0.542
3	Detroit	1-8	0.549
4	Tampa Bay	1-8	0.556
5	Kansas City	2-7	0.514
6	Oakland	2-7	0.521
7	Washington	3-6	0.479
8	Seattle	3-6	0.479
9	Buffalo	3-6	0.5
10	Tennessee	3-6	0.563

Week 11: The Devil beats down the Lions again

Brett Favre was back, again. He's beaten the Lions 27 times in his career--going on a million. The Lions are like the Washington Generals to his Harlem Globetrotters.

The Lions lost 27-10 to the 8-1, playoff bound, Vikings. There are a ton of questions after this game.

1. Why, when all week the stories were about how Kevin Smith doesn't have top end speed and can't break the long run, do the Lions sit Aaron Brown, the fastest RB, if not player, on the team? Where, as many people believe that the Lions shouldn't sign a Larry Johnson, because the team needs to see if Kevin Smith can be the guy, I think the Lions need to sit Kevin Smith in order to see if Aaron Brown can be the guy. He's a guy with 4.2 speed in the mold of a Brian Westbrook. The only question is if he can take the beating of an every down back.

2. Who on their team did the Lions think was better than Cliff Avril? Schwartz sat one of the team sack leaders to play exactly who?

3. Why do the Lions continue to punt in opposing territory when they're losing? I've said this a hundred times, the Lions are so bad, they have to play with the throttle down until at least 25 minutes after the final whistle. 4th and 1 on the Minnesota 48 down 17-10 with 4:54 left in the third. Punt. Way to challenge your team to win the game, Schwartz. How much of a boost would it have given the Lions if they'd handed off to Kevin Smith and picked up that yard? Perhaps they could have finished the drive, tying the game up 17-17 going into the fourth? Even if they didn't get it, they'd have only given up 25 yards of field position, which the Vikings got back anyway, getting to the 38 yard line before having to punt...which put Detroit back at it's own 19 yard line to start the next drive. Quit wimping out! Go for it on 4th down in opposing territory, what do you have to lose? You're 1-8 because you don't do anything like that!

4. Why do the Lions come out of half time every week looking for a way to blow the game? This week, they fumbled the opening kickoff of the second half. Instead of only being down 10-3, with the ball and ready to prove something...instead, they're down 17-3 less than a minute into the third. Typical Lions.

5. How bad was Delmas' toothache that he couldn't play the game? He dressed for it. He ran up and down the sidelines cheering...hasn't anybody in the Lions training staff ever heard of Novocaine?

6. Who's going to play in the secondary against Cleveland? I counted four injuries to players in the Lions secondary. Hopefully, Delmas will have his root canal before the game and be able to play this week.

7. Where did this Philip Buchanon come from? The guy made plays all day, whereas the rest of the season, he could have been replaced with a cardboard stand-up and nobody would have ever known the difference.

8. Who was supposed to be covering Sydney Rice? And how did he manage to catch for 201 yards and not score?

9. Will this be the last time the Lions have to play the Devil who wears #4? One can only hope, but if he manages to win the Super Bowl this year with the Vikes, he'll probably be around for another 5 years.

10. So what are the Vikes DL going to be called now? The Fox broadcast team put out a call for nick names for the Vikings front line, reminiscent of the "Purple People Eaters." An overly blatant show of partiality to say the least. But my favorite one I saw, "The Four Norseman."

I wish the Lions had cheerleaders.

I put up this picture, not because I'm a pedophile, but it is interesting that Packers are quietly delving into the possibility of cheerleaders. Currently only six of the NFL's 32 franchises have chosen to go without the all important cheer brigades--Cleveland, Pittsburgh, Green Bay, Detroit, Chicago, and the New York Giants. And now the Packers may be dabbling. The Lions used to do this with high school cheerleaders, I don't recall seeing them doing it for a long time.

Personally, I think it's a pretty cheapskate way of trying to appease your fans, without appeasing them at the same time.

3rd and 3 or less

As much of a reason as any that the Leo's tanked another game, the team only managed a single 3rd and 3 or less. Another empty victory, they managed to convert on a short pass to Calvin Johnson.

Year totals, the Leo's are 8 of 10 rushing, and 6 of 13 passing. That's an 80% success rate rushing, versus only 46% passing.

The competition for #1

Now that there is no chance for any team to take away the title as "worst franchise in NFL history" by adding their name to the list of "only team in NFL history to go winless," and now that the Lions, once again, hold the longest losing streak in the league, the race is on to see who will be anchored with the 2010 NFL #1 pick in the draft. And Detroit is, once again, in the thick of the race.

The other competitors in this race?

The Tampa Bay Buccanneers (1-8) managed to eek out another loss against the Miami Dolphins, 25-23. Let me take a second out here to say one thing, the Dolphins get the Wildcat and awesomely hot cheerleaders too? How is that fair?

The St. Louis Rams (1-8) gave the undefeated Saints all that they could handle before losing, 28-23. The Rams have played very well since having ESPN Page 2 suggest that they are the "New Lions."

The Cleveland Browns (1-7) play the Baltimore Ravens tonight, another very likely loss, but the Browns really have something going for them in their attempts to avoid the anchor contract of the #1 pick--they play the Lions next week.

Next week: Can we make either one of the Brown's disastrous QB's look like a Hall of Fame'r? I'm sure they'll try.

About our latest loss - quote

"This was ugly, but you knew it would be. The Lions lead the NFL in ugly. Everything they try turns ugly. I think that’s why they don’t have cheerleaders." --Michael Rosenberg, Detroit Free Press

All Hail the UFL!

I really miss the USFL. Why? Because Michigan had the Panthers and they were a legitimate football team that could have beaten the Lions like a kettle drum...much like everybody does now. In fact, I'm willing to bet that even now, 25 years later, the Lions wouldn't be able to stop a deep Hebert to AC pass.

ESPN Page 2 discusses the new upstart football league which has the audacity of playing in the fall.

The UFL only has four teams. They are really keeping it small, which is allowing them to avoid the same downfalls of the old USFL. The old USFL expanded way too quickly. Moving from eight teams its first year to 16 the next...it also brought in Donald Trump and that was pretty much all she wrote for the USFL.

I think the UFL would be very smart to look at the current NFL payscale of practice team players. If they were to add say 20% to the lowest salaries in the NFL, they may be able to steal bonafide NFL untapped talent. The UFL's slogan is "Where Future Stars Come To Play!" but is mostly populated with castoffs and players who refuse to accept they should go into retirement. For instance, who's a starting QB in the UFL...Mike McMahon of our own Lions infamy.

These young players would make that slogan ring true.

Also, bring on the Cheerleaders!

I missed the old creamsicle uni's

These uni's were the best. It reminded me of Steve Young and Doug Williams and the Bucs beating down the Lions late in the season to crush yet another year in Lions History.

But the Cheerleader throwbacks were much, much better.

In fact, they were so much better...why can't we have cheerleaders?

It's bad enough we can't have a football team. Why continue to punish Detroit fans further. The Lions are no longer on pace to beat the Bucs 0-26 mark, but can you really say that 2-32 is really that much better? Give me a break.

Since that time, where the Bucs coach actually stated that he was "in favor" of his own team's "execution," the Bucs have changed uniforms, been to the playoffs multiple times, built a cool new stadium WITH A PIRATE SHIP with canons that really fire, and won a superbowl. In that same time period, the Lions managed to have the greatest running back in NFL history and let him waste away on lousy teams behind less than mediocre lines until he finally up and quit because he didn't see the point of playing anymore when the organization obviously had no real interest in winning.

People used to laugh and say "at least I'm not a Bucs fan." Now, I wish I were a Bucs fan, because they've only lost something like 11 of their last twelve--it would be a step up!

How pitiful is that?

So they get cooler uniforms, have had both Tony Dungy and Jon Gruden as coaches, won a Super Bowl and they get really hot cheerleaders?

And what do we get as Lions fans? The crypt keeper as an owner, an offensive line that's more porous than Swiss cheese, a rookie QB, and another year of hearing about how the team is "rebuilding."

And for those of you who think I just wrote this article so I could put up pics of these hot cheerleaders, you're welcome.

Week 10: Seriously, I don't want to talk about it

It was so abysmal. The Seattle Seahawks could have spotted the Lions 150 points, which I think they tried to do, and the Lions still would have lost.

This isn't even upsetting anymore. It's just depressing. We've seen it so many times before that the only emotion it inspires is apathy. A long empty sigh. "Here we go again."

The Lions were spotted 17 points in the first quarter. Then, everything went to Hell in a handbasket and Franchise Savior threw 4 more picks. I've said it before, the Lions are so putrid that they have to play with the pedal to the metal until at least 25 minutes after the final whistle.

Here's what I have taken from the Lions game:

1. The Franchise Savior is going to have a ton of growing pains. Let's see what his QB rating is in week 8 next year before we decide to throw him and his $72 million contract out on the trash heap.

2. I think this is the most obvious thing about this year's rendition of the "Bad News" Lions...this team expects to lose. Maybe not Stafford, Foot, Peterson, and CJ...but most if not all of the Lions go into every game expecting to not get a break and for somebody to miss a play or make a huge mistake. That is why it is so vitally important that players like Backus and Raiola and Sims and probably even Kevin Smith all need to go. They have all been "Lionized," infected with the Honolulu Blues. They all have to be tranquilized, bagged, clubbed and removed from the Lions locker room, because the Honolulu Blues is very, very contagious.

3. Louis Delmas may never turn out to be as good as so many scouts have predicted, but he's still worthy of a starting safety spot on most NFL teams. He's no Troy Polamalu, but he's not Marquand Manuel either. (Too bad he plays right next to Manuel.)

4. The Lions need to draft a new left guard. Manny Ramirez, Dan Loper, and Jon Jansen have all tried their hands at the position and all have played awful.

5. I'm really worried that, in the end, this season will be a microcosm of Stafford's entire career. Some good games, a lot of abysmal games, and an occasional great game. Harrington 2.0.

6. In two weeks the Lions are going to host the Cleveland Browns, loser will very likely get the #1 pick in the 2010 draft. The Lions will then, most likely have close to 25-30% of their cap space tied up in 3 players of a 53 man roster.

7. Brandon Pettigrew is going to be OK. Maybe even ProBowl worthy, someday.

8. Larry Foote better get out after this year or he'll spend the rest of his career battling to just get to a .250 winning percentage.

9. Julian Petersen is a great player the Lions will not be able to afford to keep. His salary jumps to 8 and 9 million dollars the next two seasons.

10. The Seahawks have hot cheerleaders....

I wish the Lions had Cheerleaders....

Then maybe there'd be something to look at at Ford Field while the Lions are playing. If you look hard enough you can always see at least one cheerleader on the sideline behind all the players or sometimes you get lucky enough for the players to get pushed out of bounds....or when the station comes back from the beer commercials.

But no, any time you're down at Ford Field, you're stuck watching the pitiful product on the field. It's like you've spent $75 for a football game and now you have to be punished for it. If I ever catch my son watching Lions' games, I'm going to stick him in a closet for a day with nothing but a feed of old Millen Era Lions home games....he'll never smoke again...what was I talking about?

Damn you, William Clay Ford!

3rd and 3 or less

The Lions faced 3 and 3 or less five times against Seattle. They were 1 or 2 rushing and 1 of 3 passing. So far the Leo's are 8 of 10 rushing, and 5 of 12 passing. 80% success rate running the ball on 3rd and 3 or less...41.6% success rate passing...I'm just saying...

The last of the inept

The Tampa Bay Buccaneers (1-7) under their shiny new rookie QB, who they let sit the first half of the season, no matter how bad the starting QB's were playing, started his first game of the season against the Green Bay Packers. The same Packers who just a month ago kicked the Lions like an abused dog, 26-0. Josh Freeman beat those same Packers 38-28, giving the Lions the inside track on pulling another #1 overall draft pick. The Bucs were even wearing the old creamsicle uni's.

Next week the Lions play the "Devil in Purple" again.

The Top 10 picks in next years draft, if it were held today

#	Team	Record	Opposing Win%
1	Tampa Bay	0-7	0.574
2	St. Louis	1-7	0.518
3	Cleveland	1-7	0.548
4	Kansas City	1-6	0.53
5	Tennessee	1-6	0.547
6	Detroit	1-6	0.552
7	Oakland	2-6	0.543
8	Seattle	2-5	0.457
9	Washington	2-5	0.509
10	Buffalo	3-5	0.483