Week 13:Turkey Day tradition continues--Lions lose

The Lions, riding a national wave of euphoria over last weeks epic come from behind victory, crashed into the shore of reality like a 10 ton brick on Thanksgiving day. Stafford, who probably shouldn't even have been playing with a separated non-throwing shoulder managed to throw four interceptions and Kevin Smith showed that even the white lines on the field could tackle him.

This was a horrible display for a national audience which is already begging the NFL to "please God, take that game away from them!" I can't say I blame them. Admit it, watching the Lions is bad for your digestion. I say that, not because I wan the Lions to lose the game, but instead, because I have no fear of them losing the tradition. Why? Because I'm still seeing at least six dozen Ford commercials every game--the NFL isn't stupid enough to insult one of it's biggest sponsors.

In other news...

1. I think Matt Stafford, Franchise Savior, just threw another interception. I'm not giving him a pass because he was playing injured...but he really shouldn't have been out there at all. This wasn't one of his typical weeks either. Usually a Lions QB can blame most of his picks on his receivers, because the passes usually bounce harmlessly off their hands and into the air, but this game wasn't that way. These picks weren't because of a ton of QB pressure, or bad WR routes...he just made bad throws. He's a rookie, we were supposed to expect these days this year.

2. I really wanted to like Kevin Smith. I wanted him to be this "James Stewart" clone who was good for 4 yards a carry...not a game breaker...but at least 4 yards a carry. For a while, it appeared that that's what Smith would be...but it turns out that is not what he is. Stewart was a war horse that could break tackles and carry defenders...Smith is tripping over the white lines. He might be a good backup, but he can't break tackles and he doesn't have the game changing break away speed that is needed by a change of pace back.

3. Aaron Brown has that speed. Brown needs to start getting 10-15 touches per game. The most common argument against Brown is that he's "too small." Brown is currently listed as 6-1, 205 lbs. Kevin Smith is listed as 6-1, 217. Chris Johnson, the Tennessee Titans RB who currently leads the NFL in rushing is listed as 5-11, 200. I think Brown is right inside the size wheelhouse for RB's. Brown needs more touches...he probably needs to get a shot as the #1 back before the season is over.

4. I have a feeling that Daunte will start this weekend against Arizona. Last week, the Lions were riding a wave of momentum into a nationally televised game...a huge chance to sell Stafford jersey's nationwide. This week, we're just another 2-9 team. The kid needs to let his shoulder heal.

5. Culpepper was somewhat justified in his outburst before the game. Stafford didn't appear ready to play, having missed the entire week of practice. Culpepper had taken all of the practice reps all week and was overly anxious to show the rest of the world that he could still play.

6. Don't expect to see Daunte on the Detroit sidelines again next season.

7. Stafford threw the ball away on a 4th and 1 from the Green Bay 1...and it worked out to be the right decision. I don't think I'll ever see that again. Green Bay gave up the safety two plays later...and it should have been a touchdown. That was weird.

8. The offensive line opened up some running lanes for Smith, he just tripped going through them.

9. The Lions may end up with the 4th pick in the draft and may still miss out on the two best defensive players in the draft, Ndamukong Suh, DT Nebraska and Gerald McCoy, DT, Oklahoma.

10. The fourth pick in the draft might just be low enough that somebody might want to trade up for it. Hopefully. QB's Sam Bradford, Jake Looker, and Tim Tebow might entice some teams to come calling.

Cheerleaders?

Thanksgiving day allowed Lions fans, once again, to view other teams cheerleaders like the Denver Broncos Cheerleaders and the always famous Dallas Cowboy Cheerleaders.

Lions fans...got to watch Daunte Culpepper sulk on the sidelines. It might just be another reason they want to take the game away from us.

3rd and 3 or less

The Lions faced 3rd and 3 or less, converting 4 of 7. They were 2 for 2 rushing and 2 for 5 passing. Year totals; rushing 10 of 13, passing 9 of 19. As bad as the Lions have been, they continue to prove out it is always better to run on 3rd and 3 or less. 77% success rate rushing vs 47% passing. It speaks for itself.

Tales of the inept

The Cleveland Browns (1-10), which the Lions just barely beat, were dissected by the Cincinnati Bengals (16-7) who were without their #1 RB Cedric Benson. At least they managed to score a touchdown.

The St. Louis Rams (1-10) lost to the Seattle Seahawks 27-17 in a game that wasn't nearly as close as the score indicates.

The Tampa Bay Buccaneers (1-10) behind another rookie QB, Josh Freeman, Morgan's kid, I think, lost 20-17 to Atlanta in a game that proved to be a lot more entertaining than it should have been.

Tennessee Titans note: Since being listed in this spot, back when they w e re 0-6, the Titans haven't lost a game. They changed QB's from the octogenarian Kerry Collins to spread offense aficionado Vince Young and have gone a 5 game winning streak. The Titans have become a Cinderella story worth watching...next week they run head on into the undefeated Indianapolis Colts. Bring'em on!

If the draft were held today...

1	Cleveland	1-9	0.531
2	St. Louis	1-9	0.544
3	Tampa Bay	1-9	0.55
4	Detroit	2-8	0.531
5	Seattle	3-7	0.488
6	Washington	3-7	0.5
7	Buffalo	3-7	0.506
8	Oakland	3-7	0.513
9	Kansas City	3-7	0.513
10	Denver (from Chicago)	4-6	0.494

Week 12: Stafford injured, then walks on water, Lions win

I want to preface this article with a very deeply felt footnote...I am happy the Lions won.

Thanks to the NFL's stupid blackout rule, I was only able to hear the game live, (I have since watched it on NFL replay, which should be available until midnight Wednesday) but I was riveted to the radio for what turned out to be a finish that only a hokie Hollywood writer could come up with.

A pass interference called on Cleveland in the endzone on the last play of the game? Stafford drilled under a 320 pound DL smashing his shoulder--that hit couldn't have been more destructive if it included a Micheal Bay explosion. Then the Cleveland Browns call an inexplicable timeout...then William Clay Ford calls down from his luxury suite to Stafford, who's being restrained by the medical staff who are trying desperately to find out how much bone is left in the Franchise Savior's disintegrated left shoulder. Ford tells Stafford, "just sit it out kid. I hate to win. If you go back into the game...I'm sending you back to prison! Bwa-ha-ha-ha!" But Stafford hears the PA announce the Browns timeout and knows he can go back in.

Stafford hands the phone to one of the doctors and asks Jason Hanson, who's been here since before the Ford's made cars, "You've been here a long time, how bad is it here? In prison?"

"Not too bad...you get used to it."

Stafford breaks free of the medical staff and rushes back onto the field. His left arm hanging loosely out of his broken shoulder pads. He takes the snap with one hand, drops back...and hits Brandon Pettigrew for the winning touchdown with all 0's on the clock! The crowd goes wild!

The Ford's seethe in their luxury box....credits roll..."We are the Champions" plays...

OK, maybe it didn't happen exactly like that...but it was close.

Here are 10 things that I know really happened..."We'll keep on fighting till the end...."

1. The Detroit Lions gave up 37 points to a team that hadn't been able to get a touchdown from a running back or wide receiver for over a year....Brown's wide receivers caught four on Sunday.

2. The Lions continue to turn every opposing quarterback into a Hall of Famer. Brady Quinn was 21 of 33 for 304 yards and 4 four TD's with no interceptions. That's a QB rating of 133.1.
To put this into perspective, Brady Quinn's QB rating now--including his day against the Lions--is only 70.4. That puts him at 27th of the 33 players who have thrown enough passes to become eligible for the stat. Another ugly note, Stafford is 28th with a 66.9.

3. Mangini is a complete moron. The Lions should have never had a chance to even try the hail Mary pass interference play. Mangini called three passes on his last drive, one led the WR out of bounds stopping the clock and another fell incomplete, stopping the clock and giving the Leo's the ball back with 1:48 to go. Throw two runs in there, the Lions get the ball back after the punt with 20 seconds. Furthermore, not only did he pass the ball on that 3rd down, he did it from an empty backfield so there wasn't even a chance of a play fake.

4. Mangini has now come out and said the Lions were faking injuries in order to stop the Brown's no huddle. He obviously hasn't seen a lot of film of our Leo's. There isn't a play that goes by where at least one player isn't taken out.

5. Another thing about Mangini, he's arguing the pass interference penalty on the last play. Why? Because he apparently doesn't know the rules. Strange for an NFL head coach to not have a handle on the rules of the game, but it appears so. Both Mangini and Hank Poteat, who was called for the PI, have been quoted as saying that once the QB leaves the pocket the DB can do whatever they want to the WR. As if, once the QB scrambles, the field becomes Thunderdome or something. Which is blatantly false, once the ball is in the air the DB has to keep his hands off the WR--not see if he can drive him out of bounds, which is exactly what Poteat did. What's disturbing about this is, not that the flag was thrown--because usually when the Lions are involved, it's a missed call--but that the quotes from Mangini and Poteat are in complete lock step. In other words the coach has been teaching his players the wrong rules from the start...maybe the Browns do have it worse than we do.

6. Once again, the Leo's got the ball with about 2 minutes left, needing a touchdown to win--not a FG. If Lions fans know anything, we know that that is not a sound recipe for victory. On Sunday it worked. Now, the Lions are officially like 1 for 45 in this situation.

7. Matthew Stafford is the Franchise Savior. What he did on Sunday took gut and grit and all those other "toughness" words. He is undoubtedly the unquestioned leader of this team now and when the Lions come from the Harrington era (a QB that was actually quoted as saying "Why does the QB have to be the leader of the team?") that is incredibly refreshing.

8. I was wrong about last year's draft. There is no way that a LB like Aaron Curry could have this much of an effect on the Lions roster.

9. Martin Mayhew has to have at least two or three more drafts like this year's to give the Lions any chance of being relevant again in the NFL. Five players from this year's draft played huge roles in this victory. Obviously Stafford, but also Pettigrew and his winning touchdown, Aaron Brown and his touchdown, Zach Follet was great on special teams, and DeAndre Levy was everywhere playing LB for the injured Ernie Sims.

10. If Stafford and Calving Johnson don't play on Thanksgiving...there is no hope.

Why the Lions might have hope against Green Bay on Thanksgiving

1. Al Harris, half of a probowl tandem of CB's is out for the season.
2. Aaron Kampman, another probowl LB and sack master was also lost for the season on Sunday.

Why don't the Lions have cheerleaders?

Just a little something to help my readers as we continue to suffer under the tyranny of the Ford's and their incomprehensible aversion to professional dance teams.

Currently only six of the NFL's 32 franchises have chosen to go without the all important cheer brigades--Cleveland, Pittsburgh, Green Bay, Detroit, Chicago, and the New York Giants.

The Packers haven't had official cheerleaders since 1988, however cheerleaders from the University of Wisconsin-Green Bay and St. Norbert College appear at home games throughout the season.

3rd and 3 or less

The Lions only faced 3rd and 3 or less twice on Sunday and, contrary to my theory, they were successful passing once and failed once on a rush. Looking at the season long stats, this is an anomaly. So far this year, 8 of 11 rushing, and 7 of 14 passing. That's an 72% success rate rushing, versus only 50% passing.

More tales of the inept

The Cleveland Browns (1-9) lost to our home town boys, mostly because they don't know the rules of football.

The Tampa Bay Buccaneers (1-9) were pounded into jelly by the #1 offense in football, losing to the New Orleans Saints, 38-7. If I were Rahim Morris, the Bucs' rookie coach, I might be getting a little nervous.

The St. Louis Rams (1-9) gave the NFC reigning champ, the Arizona Cardinals everything they could handle, before finally losing 21-13.

A little extra bit, since I listed the Tennessee Titans in this spot, when they were 0-6, the Titans have switch QB's bringing back an allegedly once suicidal Vince Young to lead the franchise and run off four straight victories. At 4-6, they are still mathematically in the playoff hunt and a still a very exciting team to watch. Plus, they have hot cheerleaders.

Happy Thanksgiving everybody.

Top 10 Picks, if the draft were held today

#	Team	W-L	Opp WL%
1	St. Louis	1-8	0.542
2	Cleveland	1-8	0.542
3	Detroit	1-8	0.549
4	Tampa Bay	1-8	0.556
5	Kansas City	2-7	0.514
6	Oakland	2-7	0.521
7	Washington	3-6	0.479
8	Seattle	3-6	0.479
9	Buffalo	3-6	0.5
10	Tennessee	3-6	0.563

Week 11: The Devil beats down the Lions again

Brett Favre was back, again. He's beaten the Lions 27 times in his career--going on a million. The Lions are like the Washington Generals to his Harlem Globetrotters.

The Lions lost 27-10 to the 8-1, playoff bound, Vikings. There are a ton of questions after this game.

1. Why, when all week the stories were about how Kevin Smith doesn't have top end speed and can't break the long run, do the Lions sit Aaron Brown, the fastest RB, if not player, on the team? Where, as many people believe that the Lions shouldn't sign a Larry Johnson, because the team needs to see if Kevin Smith can be the guy, I think the Lions need to sit Kevin Smith in order to see if Aaron Brown can be the guy. He's a guy with 4.2 speed in the mold of a Brian Westbrook. The only question is if he can take the beating of an every down back.

2. Who on their team did the Lions think was better than Cliff Avril? Schwartz sat one of the team sack leaders to play exactly who?

3. Why do the Lions continue to punt in opposing territory when they're losing? I've said this a hundred times, the Lions are so bad, they have to play with the throttle down until at least 25 minutes after the final whistle. 4th and 1 on the Minnesota 48 down 17-10 with 4:54 left in the third. Punt. Way to challenge your team to win the game, Schwartz. How much of a boost would it have given the Lions if they'd handed off to Kevin Smith and picked up that yard? Perhaps they could have finished the drive, tying the game up 17-17 going into the fourth? Even if they didn't get it, they'd have only given up 25 yards of field position, which the Vikings got back anyway, getting to the 38 yard line before having to punt...which put Detroit back at it's own 19 yard line to start the next drive. Quit wimping out! Go for it on 4th down in opposing territory, what do you have to lose? You're 1-8 because you don't do anything like that!

4. Why do the Lions come out of half time every week looking for a way to blow the game? This week, they fumbled the opening kickoff of the second half. Instead of only being down 10-3, with the ball and ready to prove something...instead, they're down 17-3 less than a minute into the third. Typical Lions.

5. How bad was Delmas' toothache that he couldn't play the game? He dressed for it. He ran up and down the sidelines cheering...hasn't anybody in the Lions training staff ever heard of Novocaine?

6. Who's going to play in the secondary against Cleveland? I counted four injuries to players in the Lions secondary. Hopefully, Delmas will have his root canal before the game and be able to play this week.

7. Where did this Philip Buchanon come from? The guy made plays all day, whereas the rest of the season, he could have been replaced with a cardboard stand-up and nobody would have ever known the difference.

8. Who was supposed to be covering Sydney Rice? And how did he manage to catch for 201 yards and not score?

9. Will this be the last time the Lions have to play the Devil who wears #4? One can only hope, but if he manages to win the Super Bowl this year with the Vikes, he'll probably be around for another 5 years.

10. So what are the Vikes DL going to be called now? The Fox broadcast team put out a call for nick names for the Vikings front line, reminiscent of the "Purple People Eaters." An overly blatant show of partiality to say the least. But my favorite one I saw, "The Four Norseman."

I wish the Lions had cheerleaders.

I put up this picture, not because I'm a pedophile, but it is interesting that Packers are quietly delving into the possibility of cheerleaders. Currently only six of the NFL's 32 franchises have chosen to go without the all important cheer brigades--Cleveland, Pittsburgh, Green Bay, Detroit, Chicago, and the New York Giants. And now the Packers may be dabbling. The Lions used to do this with high school cheerleaders, I don't recall seeing them doing it for a long time.

Personally, I think it's a pretty cheapskate way of trying to appease your fans, without appeasing them at the same time.

3rd and 3 or less

As much of a reason as any that the Leo's tanked another game, the team only managed a single 3rd and 3 or less. Another empty victory, they managed to convert on a short pass to Calvin Johnson.

Year totals, the Leo's are 8 of 10 rushing, and 6 of 13 passing. That's an 80% success rate rushing, versus only 46% passing.

The competition for #1

Now that there is no chance for any team to take away the title as "worst franchise in NFL history" by adding their name to the list of "only team in NFL history to go winless," and now that the Lions, once again, hold the longest losing streak in the league, the race is on to see who will be anchored with the 2010 NFL #1 pick in the draft. And Detroit is, once again, in the thick of the race.

The other competitors in this race?

The Tampa Bay Buccanneers (1-8) managed to eek out another loss against the Miami Dolphins, 25-23. Let me take a second out here to say one thing, the Dolphins get the Wildcat and awesomely hot cheerleaders too? How is that fair?

The St. Louis Rams (1-8) gave the undefeated Saints all that they could handle before losing, 28-23. The Rams have played very well since having ESPN Page 2 suggest that they are the "New Lions."

The Cleveland Browns (1-7) play the Baltimore Ravens tonight, another very likely loss, but the Browns really have something going for them in their attempts to avoid the anchor contract of the #1 pick--they play the Lions next week.

Next week: Can we make either one of the Brown's disastrous QB's look like a Hall of Fame'r? I'm sure they'll try.

About our latest loss - quote

"This was ugly, but you knew it would be. The Lions lead the NFL in ugly. Everything they try turns ugly. I think that’s why they don’t have cheerleaders." --Michael Rosenberg, Detroit Free Press

All Hail the UFL!

I really miss the USFL. Why? Because Michigan had the Panthers and they were a legitimate football team that could have beaten the Lions like a kettle drum...much like everybody does now. In fact, I'm willing to bet that even now, 25 years later, the Lions wouldn't be able to stop a deep Hebert to AC pass.

ESPN Page 2 discusses the new upstart football league which has the audacity of playing in the fall.

The UFL only has four teams. They are really keeping it small, which is allowing them to avoid the same downfalls of the old USFL. The old USFL expanded way too quickly. Moving from eight teams its first year to 16 the next...it also brought in Donald Trump and that was pretty much all she wrote for the USFL.

I think the UFL would be very smart to look at the current NFL payscale of practice team players. If they were to add say 20% to the lowest salaries in the NFL, they may be able to steal bonafide NFL untapped talent. The UFL's slogan is "Where Future Stars Come To Play!" but is mostly populated with castoffs and players who refuse to accept they should go into retirement. For instance, who's a starting QB in the UFL...Mike McMahon of our own Lions infamy.

These young players would make that slogan ring true.

Also, bring on the Cheerleaders!

I missed the old creamsicle uni's

These uni's were the best. It reminded me of Steve Young and Doug Williams and the Bucs beating down the Lions late in the season to crush yet another year in Lions History.

But the Cheerleader throwbacks were much, much better.

In fact, they were so much better...why can't we have cheerleaders?

It's bad enough we can't have a football team. Why continue to punish Detroit fans further. The Lions are no longer on pace to beat the Bucs 0-26 mark, but can you really say that 2-32 is really that much better? Give me a break.

Since that time, where the Bucs coach actually stated that he was "in favor" of his own team's "execution," the Bucs have changed uniforms, been to the playoffs multiple times, built a cool new stadium WITH A PIRATE SHIP with canons that really fire, and won a superbowl. In that same time period, the Lions managed to have the greatest running back in NFL history and let him waste away on lousy teams behind less than mediocre lines until he finally up and quit because he didn't see the point of playing anymore when the organization obviously had no real interest in winning.

People used to laugh and say "at least I'm not a Bucs fan." Now, I wish I were a Bucs fan, because they've only lost something like 11 of their last twelve--it would be a step up!

How pitiful is that?

So they get cooler uniforms, have had both Tony Dungy and Jon Gruden as coaches, won a Super Bowl and they get really hot cheerleaders?

And what do we get as Lions fans? The crypt keeper as an owner, an offensive line that's more porous than Swiss cheese, a rookie QB, and another year of hearing about how the team is "rebuilding."

And for those of you who think I just wrote this article so I could put up pics of these hot cheerleaders, you're welcome.

Week 10: Seriously, I don't want to talk about it

It was so abysmal. The Seattle Seahawks could have spotted the Lions 150 points, which I think they tried to do, and the Lions still would have lost.

This isn't even upsetting anymore. It's just depressing. We've seen it so many times before that the only emotion it inspires is apathy. A long empty sigh. "Here we go again."

The Lions were spotted 17 points in the first quarter. Then, everything went to Hell in a handbasket and Franchise Savior threw 4 more picks. I've said it before, the Lions are so putrid that they have to play with the pedal to the metal until at least 25 minutes after the final whistle.

Here's what I have taken from the Lions game:

1. The Franchise Savior is going to have a ton of growing pains. Let's see what his QB rating is in week 8 next year before we decide to throw him and his $72 million contract out on the trash heap.

2. I think this is the most obvious thing about this year's rendition of the "Bad News" Lions...this team expects to lose. Maybe not Stafford, Foot, Peterson, and CJ...but most if not all of the Lions go into every game expecting to not get a break and for somebody to miss a play or make a huge mistake. That is why it is so vitally important that players like Backus and Raiola and Sims and probably even Kevin Smith all need to go. They have all been "Lionized," infected with the Honolulu Blues. They all have to be tranquilized, bagged, clubbed and removed from the Lions locker room, because the Honolulu Blues is very, very contagious.

3. Louis Delmas may never turn out to be as good as so many scouts have predicted, but he's still worthy of a starting safety spot on most NFL teams. He's no Troy Polamalu, but he's not Marquand Manuel either. (Too bad he plays right next to Manuel.)

4. The Lions need to draft a new left guard. Manny Ramirez, Dan Loper, and Jon Jansen have all tried their hands at the position and all have played awful.

5. I'm really worried that, in the end, this season will be a microcosm of Stafford's entire career. Some good games, a lot of abysmal games, and an occasional great game. Harrington 2.0.

6. In two weeks the Lions are going to host the Cleveland Browns, loser will very likely get the #1 pick in the 2010 draft. The Lions will then, most likely have close to 25-30% of their cap space tied up in 3 players of a 53 man roster.

7. Brandon Pettigrew is going to be OK. Maybe even ProBowl worthy, someday.

8. Larry Foote better get out after this year or he'll spend the rest of his career battling to just get to a .250 winning percentage.

9. Julian Petersen is a great player the Lions will not be able to afford to keep. His salary jumps to 8 and 9 million dollars the next two seasons.

10. The Seahawks have hot cheerleaders....

I wish the Lions had Cheerleaders....

Then maybe there'd be something to look at at Ford Field while the Lions are playing. If you look hard enough you can always see at least one cheerleader on the sideline behind all the players or sometimes you get lucky enough for the players to get pushed out of bounds....or when the station comes back from the beer commercials.

But no, any time you're down at Ford Field, you're stuck watching the pitiful product on the field. It's like you've spent $75 for a football game and now you have to be punished for it. If I ever catch my son watching Lions' games, I'm going to stick him in a closet for a day with nothing but a feed of old Millen Era Lions home games....he'll never smoke again...what was I talking about?

Damn you, William Clay Ford!

3rd and 3 or less

The Lions faced 3 and 3 or less five times against Seattle. They were 1 or 2 rushing and 1 of 3 passing. So far the Leo's are 8 of 10 rushing, and 5 of 12 passing. 80% success rate running the ball on 3rd and 3 or less...41.6% success rate passing...I'm just saying...

The last of the inept

The Tampa Bay Buccaneers (1-7) under their shiny new rookie QB, who they let sit the first half of the season, no matter how bad the starting QB's were playing, started his first game of the season against the Green Bay Packers. The same Packers who just a month ago kicked the Lions like an abused dog, 26-0. Josh Freeman beat those same Packers 38-28, giving the Lions the inside track on pulling another #1 overall draft pick. The Bucs were even wearing the old creamsicle uni's.

Next week the Lions play the "Devil in Purple" again.

The Top 10 picks in next years draft, if it were held today

#	Team	Record	Opposing Win%
1	Tampa Bay	0-7	0.574
2	St. Louis	1-7	0.518
3	Cleveland	1-7	0.548
4	Kansas City	1-6	0.53
5	Tennessee	1-6	0.547
6	Detroit	1-6	0.552
7	Oakland	2-6	0.543
8	Seattle	2-5	0.457
9	Washington	2-5	0.509
10	Buffalo	3-5	0.483

Two days late, but...Happy Halloween!

Fire Millen Again!

From Detroit News' Mike O'Hara:

2. Game 8 Sunday at Seattle: The Seahawks are 2-5, but the early line favors them by 10 points.

The Seahawks are coming off a bye, which spells bad news for the Lions. The Packers beat the Lions, 26-0, after their bye.

One of Seattle's victories was Game 1 at home -- 28-0 over the Rams.

Week 9: F@$%!N' Lions!!!!!!

I waited almost 24 hours before I started to write this piece, which I think was a good thing, because I probably would have punched out the monitor of my laptop and this poor thing has taken too much punishment already.

First of all, the game was blacked out so I had to listen to the game while raking leaves. I haven't gone back and watched the replay provided by NFL Network yet...I may not...who am I kidding, of course I will. So this article will mostly contain my impressions of what happened versus what should have happened.

Let me set the stage for you...the St. Louis Rams had lost 17 games in a row. They came in 0-7 and poised to pass the Lions 0-19 streak on their way to their very own 0-16 season. The Lions were 1-5, at home, and coming off the bye week--so they had TWO WEEKS to prepare for the lowly and hobbled Rams.

Sorry, give me a minute, I'm taking deep breaths.

Obviously, the Lions, in Lions fashion...lost. Once again, the Lions got the ball back with around two minutes left in the game and needed a touchdown to tie or win. Once again, they failed.

Since the NFL schedule came out this year, most, if not all, Lions fans and media pointed to this game as the Lions first "winnable" game.

How pathetic is this? How abysmal of a team do the Lions sport if they cannot beat arguably the worst team in the NFL this season?

There's a saying that "if when you sit down to the poker table, you can't find the sucker at the table, then it's you." That's what the Lions are, suckers. They are the worst team in the NFL. The worst team of the entire decade. Which, by the way, they wrapped up two weeks ago--even if the Lions could manage to win out for the rest of the season and the Cleveland Browns (the second worst team of the decade) lost all their remaining games, the Lions would still be two games worse than the Browns.

17-10 to the Rams? Pathetic.

"Calvin makes big plays for us. We were toothless today,'' Lions coach Jim Schwartz said. Johnson was out for the second consecutive game with an injured knee. "We didn't have a chance, we didn't make plays down the field. As I said before, it was small ball. We ran the ball fairly consistently in this game but that's not enough. This is a game of scoring.''

When the Lions' own head coach gets quoted as saying "We didn't have a chance." How hopeless is the team?

Last week in the Detroit News, Drew Sharpe wrote an article where he compared rosters of offensive and defensive players between the Lions and Rams and decided that the Rams had the best player at 13 of the 22 starting spots.

I don't think he went far enough. I contend that not only do the Rams have better players...I think that the Lions only have a handful of players that could start on another NFL team, they don't even have players that would make the ROSTER of other NFL teams. I'm saying that most of the players on the Lions roster wouldn't be collecting paychecks anymore if the Lions folded. They aren't good enough to fill out the bottom end of other team's rosters--and that includes most of our STARTERS.

I'm going to go through the entire Lions roster right now to prove my point. I'm going to tell you whether they'd be a starter on another team, whether they'd even make a roster spot or not and I'll also tell you what I think the Lions should do with the player.

And I'm not showing you any pretty cheerleaders until I'm done. (Oh, sure you could scroll down and see the cheerleader if you want, but I know you'll feel empty if you do...mouse off the scrollbar!)

Also, I want to point out that the Lions (as of the beginning of the season) have the fifth oldest roster in the NFL too. It's not like the Lions are just this young team trying to learn the ropes, it is stocked to the brim with old, useless failures. If the Lions were the youngest team in the league, maybe this ineptitude might make sense. So, I'm also going to give you the age of the player too.

Offense
WR1 Bryant Johnson (28) - Johnson is a former first round pick of the Arizona Cardinals. In fact, he was the guy they took in the first round before they took Anquan Boldin in the second round. Boldin and Johnson were supposed to be paired up as an elite receiving tandem for ten years. There was only one problem, Johnson sucked. So the Cards went out and drafted Larry Fitzgerald and tried to move Johnson to the third WR spot...but he still sucked. So he left Arizona as a free agent (because the Cards didn't want to resign him) and was signed by the 49'ers...where he sucked and was then cut. For the Lions, he's scored a couple of touchdowns but has dropped 3-4 passes for every TD so far.
Verdict: Gone.
Start for another team: No
Make another team: Yes. Maybe as a 4th or 5th WR.
Can we get anything for him: Maybe a 5th or 6th round pick.

WR1 (2nd) Dennis Northcutt (31) - Northcutt spent seven years with Cleveland primarily as a third WR and a returner. Cleveland gave up on him and he signed as a free agent with the Jacksonville Jaguars. (Let me say that again, CLEVELAND GAVE UP ON HIM.) After two less than impressive years with the Jags, the Lions traded injury prone Gerald Alexander for him. With the Lions, he has managed one decent punt return, a fumble and some more drops.
Verdict: Gone
Start for another team: No
Make another team: Probably not.
Can we get anything for him: No.

LT Jeff Backus (32) - Backus has played all of his 10 abysmal years in the Honolulu Blue. He has never known a winning season. Never sniffed the playoffs. Known nothing but bad coaches and other horrible players. If you wanted to keep him for veteran leadership all he could teach your younger players is how to lose. He has started 133+ games in a row, never missing a start in his entire career, which is commendable, except for the fact that he is a below average player. He has been called for more penalties than any respectable starter could have ever been forgiven for. He has let more guys go through him than the turnstiles at the gates of Ford Field.
Verdict: Gone
Start for another team: No
Make another team: Yes
Can we get anything for him: Yes, maybe a 4th or 5th round pick from somebody who needs a steady back up LT.

LT (2nd) Ephraim Salaam (33) - Salaam is a 33 yr old journeyman backup tackle who has played Atlanta and Denver. He is well past his prime, which was why he wasn't resigned by Denver. He can play both T positions, which is handy...or might have been handy a few years ago.
Verdict: Gone
Start for anther team: No
Make another team: No
Can we get anything for him: No

LG Manny Ramirez (26) - Ramirez is only in his third season in the NFL. It has taken him each of those seasons to get a legitimate shot at breaking the Detroit starting lineup. That's not a good sign considering how bad the Detroit OL has been over the last decade. But, because he is so young, he may be worth keeping and seeing if he does have anything.
Verdict:Keep
Start for another team: No
Make another team: Maybe, on potential, probably a practice squad
Can we get anything for him: No.

LG (2nd) Daniel Loper (27) - Loper is in his fifth season in the NFL. He followed Schwartz over from Tennessee where they had an awesome OL. He played in all 16 games for a the Titans last season as they compiled the best record in the NFL. He was a backup for that team. He has been in a season long battle with Ramirez for the starting LG position, which does not bode well for his chances of starting for another team.
Verdict: Keep
Start for another team: No.
Make another team: Maybe, on potential
Can we get anything for him: Maybe a 7th or conditional pick.

C Dominic Raiola (30) - Drafted by the Lions in the second round nine years ago, Raiola is most likely the most overrated center in the NFL. He has never known a winning season. Never sniffed the playoffs. Known nothing but bad coaches and other horrible players. If you wanted to keep him for veteran leadership all he could teach your younger players is how to lose. Every commentator will make empty statements about how much the team captain is respected, but in actuality, he is too small to play center in the modern NFL. As long as he has value to other teams...
Verdict: Gone
Start for another team: Yes
Make another team: Yes
Can we get anything for him: maybe a 3rd or 4th round pick

C (2nd) Dylan Gandy (27) - Gandy has been in the league only 4 years, but has been on four different teams--the definition of journeyman. He hasn't started a game in two years.
Verdict: Gone
Start for another team: No
Make another team: No
Can we get anything for him: No

RG Stephen Peterman (27) - Peterman was signed to a five year extension before this season. He has been steady and consistent. I don't know if he would start for other teams, but I don't have many complaints about him. You don't hear his name very often in games, which means he does his job.
Verdict: Keep
Start for another team: Probably not.
Make another team: Yes
Can we get anything for him: No, best to keep him.

RT Gosder Cherilus (25) - It's not saying much, but Cherilus is most likely the Lions best OL.
Verdict: Keep
Start for another team: Yes
Make another team: Yes
Can we get anything for him: Keep him.

RT (2nd) Jon Jansen (33) - An 11 yr veteran out of Michigan, Jansen was cut by the Redskins after last season. He has two bad knees and, although he's a warrior that'll give you all he's got, he doesn't have anything left in the tank.
Verdict: Gone
Start for another team: No
Make another team: No
Can we get anything for him: No

TE Brandon Pettigrew (24) - I didn't agree with the Pick of Pettigrew, but he has played well. He is a fine blocker and receiver. Granted he has dropped a few balls, but he's a rookie and a rookie this team can continue to build around.
Verdict: Keep
Start for another team: Not yet
Make another team: Yes
Can we get anything for him: Keep him

TE (2nd) Will Heller (28) - Heller has played in the league for eight years for five different teams. This is his first year in Detroit. This year he has proven he can be a decent receiving TE. He's young enough to be a decent backup and hasn't been spoiled by the years of ineptitude surrounding the Lions.
Verdict: Keep
Start for another team: No
Make another team: Yes
Can we get anything for him: No

TE (3rd) Casey FitzSimmons (29) - A good special teamer who can do spot duty as a TE. He came into the league with Detroit seven years ago as 7 on 7 football player from Carrol, MT. He has never caught for more than 160 yards in a season.
Verdict: Gone.
Start for another team: No
Make another team: No
Can we get anything for him: No

WR2 Calvin Johnson (24) - One of the best WR in the game today. Some question about his durability, but has only missed three games so far in his pro career and never missed a game his last 3 years at Georgia Tech in college.
Verdict: Keep
Start for another team: Yes
Make another team: Yes
Can we get anything for him: Yes...but back off. We're keeping CJ.

WR2 (2nd) Derrick Williams (23) - Rookie WR and returner. Not enough info on him. Could be a piece the Lions can build on. He has made some impressive catches and runs, but also made some egregious rookie mistakes.
Verdict: Keep
Start on another team: No
Make another team: Yes
Can we get anything for him: Keep

WR2 (3rd) John Standeford (27) - In only his third season in the NFL. He is a cheap, bottom of the roster possession receiver.
Verdict: Keep
Start on another team: No
Make another team: No
Can we get anything for him: No

QB Matthew Stafford (21) - The Franchise Savior. Only 21 years old. Can make all the throws and is a real leader in the locker room.
Verdict: Keep
Start on another team: Yes
Make another team: Yes
Can we get anything for him: Back off!
QB (2nd) Daunte Culpepper (32) - 11 years in the league has taken a nasty toll on old Daunte. He has had multiple knee surgeries as well as multiple court cases (ie The Minnesota Boat Party scandal). He has been a good QB in the past, but he is well past his prime and not the kind of "team" guy who wants to sit around and help mentor the Franchise Savior.
Verdict: Gone
Start on another team: No
Make another team: No
Can we get anything for him: No

QB (3rd) Drew Stanton (25) - This is Drew's third year in the NFL, he's only 25 and he could be a capable backup. Nobody knows enough about Stanton to make a real verdict on his prospects as an NFL QB. He has had several injuries and many teams may have given up on him by now.
Verdict: Keep
Start on another team: No
Make another team: No
Can we get anything for him: No

FB Jerome Felton (23) - Young full back, can block, catch, and is a good short yardage runner. Smart too. Is he a building block? Most would probably say no, because of the devaluation of the FB position.
Verdict: Keep
Start on another team: No
Make another team: Yes
Can we get anything for him: No

FB (2nd) Terrelle Smith (31) - Journeyman FB who has helped several backs get to a 1K yards over his 11 year career, but is now well past his prime.
Verdict: Gone
Start on another team: No
Make another team: No
Can we get anything for him: No

RB Kevin Smith (22) - Smith, taken in the 3rd round out of Central Florida, is proving to be a very, very good backup running back. He blocks well, catches well, and runs well, but doesn't have the kind of top end speed to be able to break the long run. There's a reason why he dropped three rounds. He reminds me a lot of James Stewart, but without the bruising, punishing running style to go with it.
Verdict: Keep
Start on another team: No
Make another team: Yes
Can we get anything for him: A 3rd maybe, if we were interested.

RB (2nd) Maurice Morris (29)- Morris has been in the league for 8+ years and never broken the century mark in yardage. He is a serviceable backup, but is getting long in the tooth and seems to be more of a roster spot holder as opposed to contributing part of a rebuilding franchise.
Verdict: Gone
Start on another team: No
Make another team: Yes
Can we get anything for him: 5th or 6th round pick
RB (3rd) Aaron Brown (24) - Aaron Brown is lightning wrapped up in speed. He has the makings of a great change of pace back that might be able to pair up with Kevin Smith and be an admirable running package. However, he is too small to pound it up the middle and too much of a rookie to avoid crucial mental errors in blocking.
Verdict: Keep
Start on another team: No
Make another team: Yes
Can we get anything for him: Hold your horses, this guy might be good.

Offensive results: Keep 13 of 25 players, ie 49% of the offensive players should be dumped. Only four could start on other NFL teams and 16 of the 25 players could legitimately make the rosters of other NFL teams. Not good. If we were to trade those players that should be gone, we may be able to get 2 4th round picks, 2 sixth round picks, and a 7th. The four players who could possibly start on another NFL franchise are Stafford, CJ, Cherilus, and maybe Peterman.

Defense
LDE Jason Hunter (26) - Hunter is a respectable backup DE. He plays angry and with a big chip on his shoulder. I don't think he has the talent to be a dominating DE, but in spot duty he'd do just fine. Not to mention, he's really cheap.
Verdict: Keep
Start on another team: No
Make another team: Yes
Can we get anything for him: No

LDE (2nd) Cliff Avril (23) - In his second year, Avril is being counted on to be an every day DE. He has racked up 7.5 sacks so far in his first two years despite barely playing most of his rookie season. He may be too small to be an every day DE, but would probably prosper as a 3-4 OLB.
Verdict: Keep
Start for another team: No
Make another team: Yes
Can we get anything for him: He's supposed to be a building block, he's not going anywhere.

DT Grady Jackson (36) - Grady Jackson is so old, when he was born, the name "Grady" was in style. He and his other overweight friend Grover Cleveland would go down to the town drug store and get barrels of malted milkshakes. Way past his prime. Spends most of his time injured and can only give a team 15-20 snaps a game.
Verdict: Gone
Start for another team: No
Make another team: No
Can we get anything for him: No

DT (2nd) Landon Cohen (23) - Another young player with a lot to prove. A 300 pound run stuffer in the middle. Not enough is known yet.
Verdict: Keep
Start for another team: No
Make another team: Yes
Can we get anything for him: Probably, but he's not going anywhere yet.

DT (3rd) Andre Fluellen (24) - Another young player. Fluellen has shown some ability to play outside at DE also.
Verdict: Keep
Start for another team: No
Make another team: Yes
Can we get anything for him: Probably, but he's not going anywhere yet.

DT Sammie Hill (22) - 330 pounds of rookie who grabbed the starting role out of training camp despite only being drafted in the fourth round as a pure project. These are all good signs. He may be able to hold down a NT position in a 3-4 to boot.
Verdict: Keep
Start for another team: No
Make another team: Yes
Can we get anything for him: Probably, but he's not going anywhere yet.

RDE Dewayne White (30) - Dwayne White had 13 sacks over the last two seasons, but none so far this year. He has been dealing with injuries. White came to Detroit after several years backing up ProBowl DE's like Simeon Rice. He is a very able backup, but probably not a full time starter.
Verdict: Gone
Start for another team: No
Make another team: Yes
Can we get anything for him: Yes, probably a 4th or 5th round pick.

RDE (2nd) Copeland Bryan (26) - Went to the IR after playing in 5 games managing just 4 tackles and 1 sack. Might be something someday, but hasn't been much of anything so far for Buffalo or now in Detroit.
Verdict: Gone
Start for another team: No
Make another team: No
Can we get anything for him: No

RDE (3rd) Turk McBride (24) - Third year player who was squeezed out of Kansas City when the team switched over from a 4-3 to a 3-4. Might happen to him again next year. Kansas City's defense wasn't anything to write home about last year and neither was McBride. He came to Detroit due to playing under Gunther Cunningham in KC.
Verdict: Keep
Start for another team: No
Make another team: Yes
Can we get anything for him: Probably, just don't know enough about him yet.

OLB1 Julian Peterson (31) - Peterson is one the very few 30+ players I would keep on the Lions. He's been to multiple probowls. He's very versatile and he's won before (ie he's not tainted with Lions history.)
Verdict: Keep
Start for another team: Yes
Make another team: Yes
Can we get anything for him: Probably, but he's not going anywhere.

OLB1 (2nd) Zack Follett (22) - Follet is a rookie who has already shown that he can make a real difference on special teams. He is a thumper who loves to bring the wood and make big hits. He could be a player some day.
Verdict: Keep
Start for another team: No
Make another team: Yes
Can we get anything for him: No

OLB1 (3rd) Vinny Ciurciu (29) - Journeyman OLB. He's been in the league seven years, played in 101 games and managed only 79 tackles and no sacks. Says a lot.
Verdict: Gone
Start for another team: No
Make another team: No
Can we get anything for him: No

MLB Larry Foote (29) - Larry Foote is a stud. He's a free agent at the end of this season. The Lions need to do everything they can to get him signed up long term. A guy from Michigan who honestly wants to play for the Lions...give him whatever he asks for and a free psych evaluation.
Verdict: Keep
Start for another team: Yes
Make another team: Yes
Can we get anything for him: Don't let him go.

MLB (2nd) DeAndre Levy (22) - Another rookie from this year's class that is making a really big impression. He will take Ernie Sims' job any second. The Lions want him on the field at all times. The Lions drafted Levy in the third round and everybody said "Who?" Which gives me a little bit of hope for Martin Mayhew.
Verdict: Keep
Start for another team: No
Make another team: Yes
Can we get anything for him: Don't even think about it.

OLB2 Ernie Sims (24) - Sims is only 24? Doesn't it seem like he's been around forever? Why? Because he's been around for all of the Marinelli years. He was the shining jewel for Marinelli's Tampa Two. He's got to go. If you were too busy watching Stephen Jackson racing down the field for the St. Louis victory...that was Sims following him. Why? Because once again, he didn't fill the right gap. I'm not saying get rid of him because of that one play...I'm saying get rid of him for all of the plays he's allowed just like that. See ya later and take that weird reptile menagerie with you.
Verdict: Gone
Start for another team: No
Make another team: Yes
Can we get anything for him: A 3rd maybe.

OLB2 (2nd) Jordon Dizon (23) - Another special teamer who may show promise.
Verdict: Keep
Start for another team: No
Make another team: Yes
Can we get anything for him: Probably, but he's not going anywhere yet.

LCB Anthony Henry (32) - I really wanted the Lions to draft Anthony Henry in the third round -- 9 years ago. He's had a respectable career, but he no longer has the speed to play the game. The Lions picked him up with hopes of being able to move him to safety. Turns out he sucks there too.
Verdict: Gone
Start for another team: No
Make another team: No
Can we get anything for him: No

LCB (2nd) Kevin Hobbs (26) - A journeyman CB at 26? With three years in the league and no INT's is it any wonder he'll be gone. Frankly, nobody from this secondary should ever be allowed to play in the league again. Except maybe the rookie.
Verdict: Gone
Start for another team: No
Make another team: No
Can we get anything for him: No

RCB William James (30) - Eight year NFL career: 5 Teams, 6 INT's...bye.
Verdict: Gone
Start for another team: No
Make another team: No
Can we get anything for him: No

RCB (2nd) Phillip Buchanon (29) - Once a high draft choice by the Raiders, Buchanon has turned into an enigma. He has had good seasons in the past, two maybe, and this isn't one of them. The Lions can't afford to gamble on which Buchanon will show up...because the next Buchanon will be 30 and on the downside of his career.
Verdict: Gone
Start for another team: No
Make another team: No
Can we get anything for him: No

RCB (3rd) DeMarcus Faggins (30) - Eight seasons, 5 INT's, 0 impact.
Verdict: Gone
Start for another team: No
Make another team: No
Can we get anything for him: No

SS Marquand Manuel (30) - I am so tired of watching him chase people into the endzone. This guy is so past his prime--if he ever had a prime. A key member of the worst secondary in NFL history.
Verdict: Gone
Start for another team: No
Make another team: No
Can we get anything for him: No

SS (2nd) Kalvin Pearson (31) - 0 INT's, 0 impact. Brought in primarily as a special teamer. Not worth the roster spot.
Verdict: Gone
Start for another team: No
Make another team: No
Can we get anything for him: No

SS (3rd) Marvin White (25) - If you can't get on to the field in this secondary, you have no hope.
Verdict: Gone
Start for another team: No
Make another team: No
Can we get anything for him: No

FS Louis Delmas (22) - 35 tackles, 1 sack a fumble recovery for a touchdown...all in seven games this year. This is the one guy in the secondary that the Lions can have some kind of confidence about.
Verdict: Keep
Start for another team: Yes
Make another team: Yes
Can we get anything for him: Not gonna happen.

FS (2nd) Ko Simpson (25) - Simpson is a young player with a track record of playing very well. He was squeezed out of Buffalo by a couple of strange draft picks. He's a player who could stick with the team for a long time.
Verdict: Keep
Start for another team: No
Make another team: yes
Can we get anything for him: No

Defensive Results: Of 25 players, only 12 are worth keeping, only 3 would start for other NFL teams. 15 of 25 would be able to get another job if they left the Lions. If they traded, they might be able to add an additional 3rd and 4th rounder.

Overall Results: Of 50 players (I'm not counting special teams, nobody would trade for Nick Harris or Jason Hanson) only 25 players are worth keeping. Only 7 would start on other teams, while only 31 of 50 players would be able to continue playing in the NFL, in other words the Lions only have 62% of a real NFL roster. 33% of a starting team of 22. But if they cut loose the dead weight and traded for whatever they could get 1 3rd, 3 4ths, 2 6ths and a 7th. Add those seven picks to the seven the team is allocated every year and maybe the Lions could score another 14 worthy players next season. And then this team really would be a "young" team going through the learning curves.

Wouldn't it be great if the Lions had Cheerleaders?

Just a little something to help my readers as we continue to suffer under the tyranny of the Ford's and their incomprehensible aversion to professional dance teams.

Currently only six of the NFL's 32 franchises have chosen to go without the all important cheer brigades--Cleveland, Pittsburgh, Green Bay, Detroit, Chicago, and the New York Giants.

3rd and 3 or less

Every team works to get to "manageable" third downs, ie 3rd and 3 or less. When a team gets to this situation, supposedly the whole playbook is open to them and the defense needs to be on its heels.

I say that since the average NFL rush is approximately 4 yards a carry, it is best to always run. What did the Lions do against the Rams on 3rd and 3 or less?

Early in the game, the Lions thought it was a good idea to run on 3rd and 3 or less. Twice they faced 3 and 2 and ran it with Kevin Smith. Both times the result was a 1st down. After that, the Leo's got pass happy--passing on 3 of the 4 opportunities in this crucial down and distance. The Lions were 1 of 3 passing, where as they were 3 of 3 running.

For the season, the Lions are successfully proving out my rule, while ignoring it at the same time. So far the Leo's are 7 of 8 rushing, and 4 of 9 passing.

A good week for the inept

The St. Louis Rams (1-6) were lucky enough to face the worst team in professional sports, our Leo's. The Rams won 17-10 breaking a 17 game losing streak and reminding us all what a pitiful bunch of losers we crowd around the radio to follow.

The Tennessee Titans (1-6) pulled Vince Young out of mothballs and got a 200+ yard rushing day from Chris Johnson (another player I screamed about on draft day two years ago) in a crushing 30-13 victory over the Jacksonville Jaguars. I guess the "titanic" battle of 0-13 teams is off for this year.

The Tampa Bay Buccaneers (0-7) pulled the misfortune of having a bye the week all the rest of the inepts managed to pull out victories. Maybe next week...too bad they don't play the Lions.